Life as I know it...

I have written abundantly about my depression and my mother's cancer. I have shared with you all many things. Some know and some do not, that I was laid off over 28 weeks ago. The German and I are struggling. I know many are too in this economy. I know we are fortunate that we are current on our bills except for one (sorry Sprint) because the mortgage comes first as it is where we live.

To say my depression is under control is a complete and utter lie. The truth be told, we can not afford the $90/month script so I have to deal to pay other things. The depression runs rampants and messes with my head. There are times I can not control it and it leads me to be more negative than the situation is. It is of the suck... Only quoting my German on that one.

Speaking of my German, he does not completely grasp our situation. He thinks money in the bank is salvation. He quite possibly thinks it grows on trees or that my parents are millionaires. He does not know or understand where the cashflow comes from... Nor whom I have had to ask for it or the two 401k's I have cashed out to keep us afloat.... He merely sees $$$ and not the bills that will follow. I love him but want to hit him along side the head with something heavy and yell "wake up"!!! "We have no f'ing money"! We are lucky not to foreclose. I hide whatever money I can from him. He found a small stash and I ate spaghettios as a result.


He travels for a living most of the time. So his is a life of wine and roses. He eats well and I think the dollar menu at a fast food restaurant (if you can even call that a restaurant) is a treat. I have a loaf of bread and peanut butter (not of the recalled kind) to suppliment me. I am treated out for dinner with my parents on occasion but always order the cheapest thing since they are retired. I know they mean well, but they should not be spending extra on me.

But, gentle reader, I want you to know something..... Something of importance.... I am blessed. My unemployment has been a blessing because it brought me back to the Church. And the blessings from returning have been 1000 fold.

Yes, I am struggling. No, it won't be forever. I refuse to be a statistic in the foreclosure department. I am better than than and will do what it takes. But I have learned a lesson. And I have become closer to God. For that I am not sorry at all.

My thoughts on the past six months

My last hiatus is my previous post. To say that my life has been tumultuous is a vast understatement. As previously posted, I was laid off on 8/25. Am I gainfully employed yet? Uh, no.... There have been offers that I declined for various reasons, not a good fit, the salary was completely unacceptable, etc, etc.... Hindsight can be a bitch and I wonder if I was mistaken in not taking something but I go forward. I have a second and third interview next week that completely excite me. In all honesty it is the first opportunity that excites me and that I actually want! I won't go into detail; however, if you are the praying type, I would appreciate it; otherwise, positive vibes are also accepted.

My depression has run rampant. Unfortunately my lack of a decent paycheck has caused a budget short fall on the homefront. Cuts were made and my script for anti-depressants was a victim. Somehow electricity and food won. Crazy, huh? Pun DEFINITELY intended....

To say we are struggling financially is an understatement. I have barrelled through two 401k accounts to avoid foreclosure. That is not an option. But I am scraping the bottom. March's mortgage is in the bag, it is April that I dread. Plus I learned from taking out the 401k accounts we actually OWE the government close to $1k. It will work itself out somehow. I have faith in the Lord above. Even if I have to wait tables at the local IHOP to make it, I will do what I have to do. I am not too proud to keep us afloat. I will be 43 on 4/3 and the last thing I want to do is move back in with my parents. Not that they have the room for us anyway, Daddy would have to give up his computer room... And I am certain they do not want three more tenants because the kitty is a non-negotiable roomie as well.

As if there is not enough rain on my parade Mama has had a recurrence. She has a new spot on what is left of her left lung. It is resting on her pulmonary artery. She had a biopsy in January. There were complications a few days later which resulted in a four day stint at Vandy. They only told me about it because a friend of theirs convinced them to. They did not want to worry me. Like I don't worry about the beast each and every day coming back and claiming my mother. WTF? To top it off, there is a pinpoint spot on her right lung as well. She outlived her original diagnosis by almost a year now. The spot on the left is inoperable and she is not a candidate for radiation. Both are due to the scarring from the previous surgery and radiation. Three passes were attempted to accurately biopsy the spot to no avail. Since it is wrapped around the pulmonary artery it was far too risky to try further. She developed a pulmonary pneumothorax. She looked like Quasimodo. Medical students and interns alike all looked at the wonder of her fist sized hump. Sheesh. My mother lived a "Grey's Anatomy" moment without a single visit from McDreamy. The course of treatment is "wait and see". Did I ever mention that I am completely inpatient? My attention span can last anywhere from one to sixty seconds barring anything shiny being dangled in front of me.

Gentle reader, there is a positive in all of this.... on 9/7/08, Ambie and the chef welcomed their first child, my niece, Ela. She is beautiful, healthy, and completely adorable. The German is visiting them as I type this as he is traveling on business and made a short detour to meet the newest addition to the family. He has smothered her in kisses and refuses to give her to either parent. As gruff as my German can be, he is a total sucker for babies and children adore him. I would have loved to have made the trip with him but the seeking of employment is an impediment. I know the chef and Ambie understand and Ela is too young to know the difference. But I want to be part of her life and will!

So, that is all the news fit to print. I have missed you Bloggyland. I have renewed my Visa and plan to visit more often.

Six months later, she emerges.....

To say I have been on hiatus is a HUGE understatement. Life has a tendency to get in the way and this has been no different. It has been an eventful six months with both good and bad experiences.

Let's tackle the bad first....

My family experienced two losses of loved ones. The first was my Auntie D's hubby who passed away on June 22nd. Please keep her in your prayers as this has been a very difficult time.

The family's second loss was on September 18th. That is the day that Papa, my German's father, died peacefully in his sleep. Both deaths were completely unexpected and both have had huge impacts on loved ones. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to meet him when we went to Germany last year. To say my hubby was a wreck was an understatement. Thankfully we were able to get him to Germany in time for the funeral and to spend some time with his mother.

Also on the bad is I was laid off from my job on 8/25. Currently I am temping at a company that I would love to get on with full time. Right now the temp gig is going to run through the end of the year most likely. At least it pays the bills.

My well documented depression has gone into overdrive from the stress related above; however, the meds are doing what they are supposed to and keeping me on a somewhat even keel versus what could be full-blown, crawl under a rock and pray for death option. Of course I opt for being even keeled instead. It is much better compared to the curl up and suck your thumb version.

On the upside, my Mama's cancer is still 100% gone. Her last visit with the awesome Dr. Putnam of Vanderbilt went very well and he was very positive that she was clean. Her original diagnosis was two years. Well that was two years, seven months ago.... Her odds improve with each and every day of being a statistic for good, not evil and for that I am eternally grateful.

Also during my hiatus, mein Deustcher and I celebrated our second anniversary. There are times that it feels we have been married forever and other times that it is as if we just did so yesterday. I don't know what that means; however, that is the only way I can explain it. So sorry if it makes no sense because it makes sense to me.

There have been lessons learned during this time. My total lack of patience has been tested but somehow I made it through. My ADHD has been put through the ringer and I have still come out none the worse for wear; however, at the time I thought it would be the end of me.

During this time I have reflected on where I want to go and what I want to do as a person. I have worked on my marriage, my people skills, dealing with my depression and trying to learn to focus. Unfortunatly that does not always go as planned and for a while there I was shamelessly hooked on Pogo games. I still have very weak moments where I can play for hours and have nothing to show for it. But I have over 3 million tokens so it certainly is not a "total" waste...

So to all my blogging buddies, I am back. I have missed you. I have not had time to catch up on blogs as when I go on hiatus, I really go all out.

Mental constipation

I have not been blogging as much as I would like to. That is not to say there have not been things happening which would make for good blog fodder, it is more along the lines that I am mentally constipated and can not seem to get any of the ideas out… Unfortunately there is not a Dulcolax for the brain, so in a manner of speaking, I have been shit outta luck…

If I can manage a brain dump (put most definitely intended) then I will back to entertain the three readers I have with my witty repartee and amazing story telling abilities (feel free to laugh).

However, something happened just two days ago that I felt compelled to share… It, of course, involves my German.

To say that mein Deutscher is bad with money is a gross understatement. His idea of checking the balance is to drive through ATM and see what it reads. That is the balance he goes by. Even if I explain that there is $700 but $600 will be out in bills all he sees is a $700 balance and thinks it is fine to hit the fast cash option of $100 bucks and be on his merry way. That, of course, wreaks havoc on our finances and leaves us with a negative balance and then money will have to be transferred from savings to take care of his faux pas. He is notorious for this. It has caused major disagreements between us. I have tried to explain it to him to no avail.

Fast forward to two days ago… My German was on a business trip in Florida. I told him he could take out $30 dollars for spending money. Of course all things such as his hotel, food and gas are covered, but in case he wanted a beer, he needed a little pocket money. So yesterday as I check the online balance, I see he saw fit to take out $60 instead of the $30 I allotted for him. Being the miserly wife that I am I called him in Florida to see what the deal was…. He said the ATM did not give him an option for $30 so he took $60 instead. I calmly asked why he did not type in a dollar amount and he could not give me a good answer. He spent $5 to get a pack of smokes (yes, I know we need to quit, but that is not the point here). The rest of the cash (2 twenties, a ten and a five) were tucked under the garage door opener clipped to the visor. Well my German decided since it was such a lovely day, he would cruise around with the windows open….

Let me tell you that lightweight cash versus the wind of two open windows in a Ford F250 going 70 down the highway will always loose…. Yes, the 2 twenties went flying out the window….

My husband LITERALLY threw money out the window!!

He’s lucky I love him so….

Whining...

The building I work in has ten floors. It just happens I work on the 6th floor. My company is spread out amongst four of them. Therefore, I spend a lot of time riding an elevator. There are large windows in the elevators where you can look out and watch traffic or pedestrians go by. I call it “elevator TV” but that is not what this is about. This is about a pet peeve of mine….

Just because we are in the same elevator does not mean we have to talk!

I am so happy to get that off of my chest. Now I can go about my day.

WTF?????

So my German is working a show for his company. It is a huge show that has over 1500 vendors and he is in charge of the crew for his company. He has been working 12-16hour days for the past three weeks without a day off. He is exhausted but happy as he is a work horse and thrives under that type of situation. His work ethic is phenomenal to say the very least. The company mein Deutscher works for is, ironically, a German based company (go figure). He is employed by the North American headquarters. The home office is located close to the Frankfurt/Cologne area.

With that being said, he was approached by someone from the German-based operations regarding what he is doing here in the good ole U.S. of A. That person wants him to consider doing the same thing for the international company. Did I mention that this would probably base him out of the Frankfurt office???

Gentle reader, if you have been following me for any length of time you know that I attempted German lessons and failed miserably. I have no aptitude for the Germanic language. I perpetually sound as though I have a hair ball when trying to enunciate the few words I know. How in the hell would I be able to live in country where I can not speak the language? Furthermore, how would I survive being seven time zones away from my parents? Hell, I am only seven miles away from them right now and that is fine by me. I don't know what I would do to have that much distance between us. I am an only child and have an incredible relationship with them. Their health has been an issue for the past couple of years and I do not think I could handle being separated from them by the Atlantic.

I am at a loss. I am confused and frightened by the entire prospect. It is a huge compliment to my husband that the efforts he puts forth have been recognized on a very high level. I appreciate that and love him all the more for it. However, what about me?! I love visiting Germany but to live there? I am making lists of pros and cons. I am thinking. I spent an hour with Daddy this morning discussing this. I am praying. Lord knows I need His divine guidance.

Nervous Nellie

I am getting nervous... For the first time since February 19th I am going back to work on Monday. I still have mono but it is much less than it was. I am still tired but not as badly as I was before.

I am not nervous about actually working. What I am worried about is getting over-tired and having to depend upon my parents for too much... Like food, laundry and cleaning the house. I mean I am less than a month away from turning 42 and having to have my parents help with some basic needs is a bit embarrassing.

I am looking forward to returning to the office and having some interaction with other living beings besides Scout... No offense to her but you know what I mean. It will be a bit strange sitting at a computer and not having her beached on my lap. She is a good lap warmer to say the least. However, I have only been out of the house a few times since the 19th. Three trips to see the doctor, one time to get cat litter and one outing for cat food. Other than that I have relied on my parents to do anything else I need.

Wish me luck...

Mixed Signals

I have to bitch about something. This *drives* me insane… It is the fact that people ignore a groovy little device in their vehicle. You see, there is a contraption on the left side of the steering column called the turn signal…. Use it! Remember to turn it off after using it. It is a simple thing but it would save so much grief in my little universe.

Oh, another thing that bugs the hell out of me? Those drivers who can not seem to figure out the difference between yield and merge. C’mon now, yielding means that you yield to traffic while the all-important merge means you go with the flow and actually work your way into the moving cars around you. It ain’t rocket science…. But to some of you out there it must be…

Also, if you are coming from 40 east headed onto 440 west, quit zooming down the left lane until the last possible moment and then cutting people off by crossing the striped lines. When I honk at you it is because cutting me off is wrong… Illegal and dangerous. It does not give you the right to flip me off because you are the jack-ass who did not manage to get into the proper lane. You are not that important. We all have lives and places to be. I would like to get to my destination without having a wreck or a tension headache from clenching every muscle in my body for fear of hitting you or being hit.

*Jumping off of soap box*

Thank you for your attention in these very important matters.

Back to normal programming

I did not mean to take a blogging hiatus. Life has an annoying habit of getting in the way of things you mean to do. There has been an onslaught of things to do personally. The German and I have been preparing for the arrival of the Bubbie on Wednesday, November 28th. He is coming in for a children’s Christmas party that the German’s company throws annually. He goes back home to Jersey on Sunday, December 2nd.

The downside is that the German has to be out of town the Thursday and Friday that the Bubbie is here. I am pissed. Mind you, not at the German. It is not his fault. He told people a while back that his son was going to be here and that he could not travel during that time. We get the Bubbie infrequently. We have only seen him 16 days this entire year. And now that we get him for just four precious days, my German has to go out of town on business. Bubbie lands the evening of the 28th. The German has to depart either before Bubbie arrives or around 4a on Thursday. It slices his time with his son in half and I am livid.

Don’t get me wrong, I know this is not anyone’s fault. Business is business and something came up. I know that is out of everyone’s control. It just makes my heart ache for my husband and his son.

I love my step son with my whole heart. My parents adore him as he is the only grandchild they will ever know. The Bubbie even calls them Memere and Pepere which is the Cajun names for grandparents. He loves spending time with them and is spoiled completely rotten by them and my 86 year old Nana who lives with them. Who would not want that kind of attention? Of course my parents are utterly exhausted each day they watch him while I work (I wiped out my vacation in March going to Hamburg to meet my German’s parents).

Basically I needed to vent. I wanted to go visit my other friends in bloggyland as well after my two week stint of being offline. There will be more later on the visit as it is always a good time when the Bubbie comes to visit… Unless of course you are my cat... She remembers the previous visit.

Venting

I am tired of the commentary I hear about my black eye. I am sick to death of anyone thinking my husband may have done this to me. I have documented how I did this. My husband was out of the country when it happened. My parents know this and I really should quit letting people get under my skin about this.

I am not an idiot. I know when people see this bad of a bruise (especially on a woman’s face) they naturally assume someone punched you. I know because I am guilty myself.

Let me set the record straight. This is the eighth (yes, 8th) black eye I have had during my 41 years on Earth. My last one was from a whitewater rafting incident when the idiot in front of me let go of his T-grip and it rammed into my eye. Said idiot is my ex-husband. Nuff said about that….

The other six were at the hand of an abusive asshole that I dated in college. Aside from the six black eyes I sport 54 (count ‘em, campers) scars from him. That was 21 years ago. To say it jaded me is an understatement. It changed how little or how much I trust others (namely men) is what it did. Never again will I be in a situation where I am belittled, intimidated, much less frightened for my very existence. Let me be clear, NEVER AGAIN!!!

I have known the German for 14 years. We have been together 3.5 years of that time. He may come across as a bit rough around the edges, but when it comes to me he is gentle as a lamb. He would never lay a hand on me. Not even in jest. He knows I still carry too much baggage from that. He knows the fragility of my psyche.

What hurts is that those who do not know him would think such a thing. I see people point and whisper. I have heard the rumors from other people. I am sick to death of it. You may not have met my husband so know that I am not the kind of woman who would tolerate abuse, mentally, physically, spiritually. Been there, bought the T-shirt. My husband is not the kind of man would inflect it. Nor would he abide such behavior towards me or any human being.

If you want to know what happened to my eye, ask me. I am a klutz and will tell you as much.

Can you hear me now?

I have no landline in my home. Instead the German and I opt to each have a cell phone. Our long distance to Germany is far less expensive and our calls to one another do not affect our minutes. We have included my parents in the plan as well and we are just a bundle of mobile-to-mobile joy. Sometimes….

For the life of me I can not figure out signal strength on our cells. Of course we are all under the same carrier; however, there are times the German’s phone has all the bars showing while my phone has no signal available. Oh, did I mention we are sitting right next to each other when this little annoyance occurs? Or my favorite phenomenon… Whilst I sit in my chair in the evening watching the tube, reading or blogging, whatever, if I happen to try to dial out and am leaning on the right arm of the chair I have no signal whatsoever… If I lean a little to the left side of the same chair, merely a shift in position, full signals. Drives me up a tree…

The same happens for the German. There is a one block section of his drive home from work that is completely dead. I know to expect less signal strength on occasion, but for one measly block or just by leaning in your chair? Can someone explain this to my confused mind? I swear some days I just know if I stood on one foot and held a wire coat hanger wrapped in foil I would have better reception.

I just love technology.

Don't rain on my parade....

As much as I know we need the rain, that my yard craves it and you can nearly hear it drink it up in grateful gulps, I am upset that it is raining. You see, we suffered a bit of storm damage last week and the mighty wind that came through in gusts took off some of our siding leaving only exposed wood. I was hoping it would remain dry until repairs are completed.

I have already received one estimate. Thankfully it was for considerably less than the German and I thought it may be. We were guessing more along the lines of $400 - $500. Either way it is a steep chuck of change coming out of our perpetually empty pockets. But it is our home and it has to be repaired. Otherwise we are just begging for trouble. We are getting a second estimate tomorrow.

No pun intended, but when it rains, it pours. The depression starts to subside and the eye is beginning to heal and a new challenge awaits us wanting to drain the meager money I have put aside for Christmas. We live leanly. Well for the most part anyway. We try to more so than actually accomplishing said feat as we both suck when it comes to money. On that level we are not exactly a match made in heaven… More like one made at the Bank of Woes… Looks like it is a week of PB&J for lunch for me this week to keep a little extra $$$ in the account to cover for any incidentals and to put that stuff called gas in our cars that both vehicles seemingly need to get us from point A to point B (otherwise known as work).

I am not complaining as I know it could be considerably worse. I could not have a home to begin with, or a car to get me around, or a job, or food. I am not that selfish as to know there are many blessings and that I count those as well. There are people far less fortunate that we are and I am grateful and pleased for the things that I do have. Especially the ones that money can not buy like my wonderful husband, family, friends, and the ability to see beyond the bad and recognize all that is good, fair, beautiful and just in my life.

Sick again... Yay me, NOT!

After 42 days straight on antibiotics for 4 UTIs since mid May, I have come down with strep. Yay me... You would think that I would practically be immune to anything with this much medicine in me. Sadly, no.

The good news is that I started the Lexapro. I am experiencing the oh, so fun, side effect of night sweats. That coupled with being pre-menopausal makes for a sleeping challenge. Good-bye REM sleep, hello restless nights... However, I need some well deserved relief from the depression.

Just felt like sharing. That is all, carry on.

E-etiquette

I would like to explain a little email etiquette. Some people do not want to read every little comment being made. With that being said, take note. People, there is a difference between hitting “reply” and “reply to all”. When the dining room at my office sends out next week’s menu and you are calling in or out for whatever day, the rest of us could care less. Please avoid hitting “reply to all” to tell me you do not want to eat on Tuesday. I have better things to do with my time.

Additionally if I email a group of you a joke or something inspirational, hitting “reply to all” is not necessarily the best route. I have had other friends email me back wondering who the hell you are and why you are emailing them your commentary on whatever it is I sent. I know it’s my fault for not putting the email addresses under “bcc” instead of “to”; but work with me!

I know I am being petty but it is a pet peeve of mine. With that being said I can now go about my day…

Mother's little helper

I saw the doctor. I asked for help. I am the proud owner of a script for Lexapro. I have yet to take it. I am on a new round of antibiotics for the ever present UTI that will not vacate so I want to see how I react to this 30 day regimen of very strong drugs before I tackle a new anti-depressant.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, it ain't easy being me.

Thoughts...

I found out yesterday that my father is having surgery on Thursday. They did not tell me sooner since the Bubbie was here and I have a tendency toward the dramatic. Did I mention that I am only child who still has the umbilical cord firmly attached? Did I mention that I have truly saved his life before?

Shit.

Carotid on one side is blocked 75%... The other side was 95% back in the 90's and surgery was a success... With the notable exception of giving him penicillin which he is allergic to... Thanks Summit Medical Center.

They do not want me to go. They know I have had enough time off being sick myself with all my own problems. However, I am nervous. Who would not be? He's my father. He is a good man. A damn good man. Everyone should be so lucky to have the kind of father I have been blessed with in my life. True, faithful, generous, giving, loving, caring, gentle, understanding, compassionate... Thank you, God.

If you are the type, say a little prayer. If you are not the type, think good thoughts.

I love you, Daddy.

Edit: If you are family, apologies. Mama and Daddy decided not to pass this along to everyone. Please play along for his sake. Call me, not Mama. I will update the post tomorrow.

Love to you all in Texas and Louisiana. Hope TS Erin misses you all.

Conspiracy Theory

He told me it's easy.... Anyone can do it... Even little kids can... He is so wrong, so very, very, wrong. I have tried to believe but it just isn't so. Even the book is taunting me...

NOT!!!

Two thumbs up and one thumb down...

Let's start with the good news first...

Mama's MRI of the brain came back clean. Hip, hip, hooray! Thank God for answered prayers. Her next series of tests is in September and everything looks good in that category.

Now the (not-so-bad) news... In the 10 minutes it takes me to water the flowers I got seven (count 'em, campers) SEVEN mosquito bites! I swear they see me and one of 'em hollers out "buffet's open for business" and then the swarm begins. Damn near made me put down my beer and swat at the blood thirsty varmints... Mind you, I said damn near, I did not actually put down a Spaten to kill vermin. I have my priorities.

Now here I sit covered in Benadryl creme hoping for a little relief.

Carry on.

He's German, get over it.

Let's be frank, there are a lot of things that annoy me... traffic, unruly children, people who let their dogs crap in my yard and don't pick up after them... Next time that one happens, I am going to send Scout over to their sand box for some pay back...

With that being said, I am sick and tired of people treating mein Deutscher differently because he is a German. Yes, he sounds a lot like him. Do me a favor, do not ask him to say something to you in German unless you have something specific in mind for him to say. He is not a bard and he will teach you to say something if you are specific. He will not ramble on in German just so you can hear his accent. If he does, he is probably saying something about you that you really do not want to know. I love it when he does that... Insults you to your face and walks away... Sorry if that is ugly, get over it. This is my rant.

Do not even get me started on his immigration status as you do not want to screw around with me on that at all. We both go through a lot to make certain he is here through the proper channels. He speaks fluent English. That leads me to another thing that bugs the shit out of me. Do not laugh at him. Do not be smarmy when you correct his English. How many freakin' languages do you speak? Well he speaks two fluently and is fairly decent in a third. As a matter of fact, his Spanish is better than mine and I have a Latina heritage. Can't you just look past his saying something in the wrong tense? You understood him, didn't you? Unless of course you are the pizza delivery guy, then you are completely clueless as to what he ordered. That's why I order the pizza, damn it. Yes, he makes some mistakes. Yes, sometimes the Bubbie (who is about to turn seven) corrects his father's English. He had no formal education in the English language. He learned by speaking to others and then moving here and having to speak the language out of necessity.

Another thing that annoys us both is having to hear about Neo Nazis. Just because mein Deutscher is German does not make him a sympathizer to the WWII Nazis or a member of the new regime. Hell, he was not even born until years after the war was over. It is not a part of who he is or who anyone member of his family is (or was). On our trip to Germany we spent a day at Neuengamme and my husband was as repulsed, disgusted and upset as I was as we walked through and read the signs and entered the different areas. The sign at the entrance actually read that those who enter the gates are "stripped of all rights and human dignity".... So suggesting my German is one of those is even that much more offensive.

The other night I was enjoying cocktails with some girlfriends at our local watering hole. An acquantance of mine (and the German's) stopped by my table and asked me "where is your Nazi"? I shit you not. Y'all, he called my husband a nazi!! I was floored. All 5'3" of me stood up and told this (over 6') ass that if he "ever calls my husband that again, I will personally kick his ass". I was flabbergasted that he thought this was acceptable. He just did not get how vulgar, insulting and hurtful that is/was. I do not call ANYONE a racial slur. The jack-ass that called my German that finally (a few weeks later and after being shunned by many people for calling my husband that) approached my German and apologized. My husband graciously accepted. He is more forgiving than I am in that manner. I am still a little pissy about it but realize if he can forgive than I have to as well.

Why am a laying all of this on you today? Well I am in a mood, that's why. I am tired of people being insensitive and downright rude to to other people. I have said this several times before but it bears repeating: We are who we are. We should make no excuses nor offer apologies.

Growing old ain't for sissies....

Credit to Bette Davis for that little gem....

But I kid you not, it's so true.... This whole pre-menopausal thing is not fun. Not. One. Little. Bit. How in the hell (thank you PG-13 rating) am I going to live through these horrific hot flashes?! Omigosh, I think am going to spontaneouly combust like a drummer from Spinal Tap. Hair is sprouting up in odd, places, ewwww!! Don't even get me started on the mood swings.... The usually rational me can go from 0 to bitch in 3.2 seconds (I probably just moved to an R rating for that one). Or if I am not getting my bitch on, then it's the tears. Who knew a Hallmark commercial could be so, well, so sad?

I am suffering through the three B's... Bitching, blubbering or burning.

Stop the madness!