My thoughts on the past six months

My last hiatus is my previous post. To say that my life has been tumultuous is a vast understatement. As previously posted, I was laid off on 8/25. Am I gainfully employed yet? Uh, no.... There have been offers that I declined for various reasons, not a good fit, the salary was completely unacceptable, etc, etc.... Hindsight can be a bitch and I wonder if I was mistaken in not taking something but I go forward. I have a second and third interview next week that completely excite me. In all honesty it is the first opportunity that excites me and that I actually want! I won't go into detail; however, if you are the praying type, I would appreciate it; otherwise, positive vibes are also accepted.

My depression has run rampant. Unfortunately my lack of a decent paycheck has caused a budget short fall on the homefront. Cuts were made and my script for anti-depressants was a victim. Somehow electricity and food won. Crazy, huh? Pun DEFINITELY intended....

To say we are struggling financially is an understatement. I have barrelled through two 401k accounts to avoid foreclosure. That is not an option. But I am scraping the bottom. March's mortgage is in the bag, it is April that I dread. Plus I learned from taking out the 401k accounts we actually OWE the government close to $1k. It will work itself out somehow. I have faith in the Lord above. Even if I have to wait tables at the local IHOP to make it, I will do what I have to do. I am not too proud to keep us afloat. I will be 43 on 4/3 and the last thing I want to do is move back in with my parents. Not that they have the room for us anyway, Daddy would have to give up his computer room... And I am certain they do not want three more tenants because the kitty is a non-negotiable roomie as well.

As if there is not enough rain on my parade Mama has had a recurrence. She has a new spot on what is left of her left lung. It is resting on her pulmonary artery. She had a biopsy in January. There were complications a few days later which resulted in a four day stint at Vandy. They only told me about it because a friend of theirs convinced them to. They did not want to worry me. Like I don't worry about the beast each and every day coming back and claiming my mother. WTF? To top it off, there is a pinpoint spot on her right lung as well. She outlived her original diagnosis by almost a year now. The spot on the left is inoperable and she is not a candidate for radiation. Both are due to the scarring from the previous surgery and radiation. Three passes were attempted to accurately biopsy the spot to no avail. Since it is wrapped around the pulmonary artery it was far too risky to try further. She developed a pulmonary pneumothorax. She looked like Quasimodo. Medical students and interns alike all looked at the wonder of her fist sized hump. Sheesh. My mother lived a "Grey's Anatomy" moment without a single visit from McDreamy. The course of treatment is "wait and see". Did I ever mention that I am completely inpatient? My attention span can last anywhere from one to sixty seconds barring anything shiny being dangled in front of me.

Gentle reader, there is a positive in all of this.... on 9/7/08, Ambie and the chef welcomed their first child, my niece, Ela. She is beautiful, healthy, and completely adorable. The German is visiting them as I type this as he is traveling on business and made a short detour to meet the newest addition to the family. He has smothered her in kisses and refuses to give her to either parent. As gruff as my German can be, he is a total sucker for babies and children adore him. I would have loved to have made the trip with him but the seeking of employment is an impediment. I know the chef and Ambie understand and Ela is too young to know the difference. But I want to be part of her life and will!

So, that is all the news fit to print. I have missed you Bloggyland. I have renewed my Visa and plan to visit more often.

Things that make you go "hmmm".....

There are things that you read that make emotions well up inside you and make you pause and think. I am a step-mom. I am physically unable to have children. I always wanted to be a mother but God had a different plan for me and while I do not understand it I do accept the path He laid before me.

Right now I have quite a few friends that are pregnant as well as my sister-in-law. Seems these things always happen in groups just like all the weddings I will be attending this summer.

With that being said, I read this I wondered what I would do in a similar situation? How do you live knowing that the newly created life you carry will end almost as soon as it begins? Being Catholic I was raised to believe abortion is murder; however, there are some parts of Catholic doctrine that I do not fully agree with (but that is a post for a different day). This just made me sad and made me hurt for the poor families; however, I respect the hell out of their decision if that is what was best for them. Who am I to judge what is the most healing for them?

It was just something that made me think....

Same time last year....

At this time last year I had the good fortune to go to Hamburg, Germany to finally meet my husband’s parents. It is still hard for me to believe it has been a year since our adventure. I was waxing nostalgic and decided to give you a little tour of what we did while we were there. Enjoy…


This is my in-law's home. It is quaint and cozy. It is not the home my German grew up in; however, it is on the same road.



Prosit! This is my German and me toasting. We are at a nice restaurant we found on a side trip to Berlin. Excellent food, excellent bier and excellent company as Ambie and the Chef joined us on this excursion.



While in Berlin we did A LOT of walking and "touristy" things... Here I am touching part of what is left of the wall. It was electric to me to touch such a thing...



This is my favorite photo of the entire trip. It is of Brandenburger Tor otherwise known as the Brandenburg Gate.



This is my German and me. This is from St. Patty's day. We are enjoying Celtic music, wonderful food and incredible bier.



This is just a lovely building in Bergedorf. Bergedorf is a suburb of Hamburg and is the largest area near the village my German was raised in.



Here I am catching a little lip action with my German. We are about to enter a courtyard of a castle in Bergedorf. If you click here you will see a bit more about Bergedorf and the Schloss Bergedorf where the photo was taken.



This is my German and I on our last full day in Germany. Unbeknownst to us, my mother-in-law arranged for us as well as Ambie and the Chef to have our wedding vows renewed. She did this in part because she was unable to attend either of our weddings.



Two or three times a year, there is a huge carnival in Hamburg. There are rides, souvenier stands and scrumptious goodies (not to mention bier, gluhwein and many other tasty libations). The food at this is nothing like carnival food here.... No corn dogs and funnel cakes... Instead there are brats, potatoes, yummy pork, crepes, and too many other things to mention for fear of my waistline expanding.



This is a Hummel, the water carrier. These guys are all over the place and we photographed ourselves with as many as we saw. When you see him, you are supposed to say "Hummel, Hummel" and he would reply "Mors, Mors".



Here we are kicking back in an eis cafe (ice cream parlor). We are sitting in a spot where a photo was taken of the arcade style of this shopping center. The photo I am speaking of is in a book about Hamburg that my German brought with him when he moved to the U.S. eleven years ago. I would look at the photo and say "I want to go there". So he brought me



This is the inside of a beautiful church in Bergedorf. Schwester, my German's baby sister, actually got married in this place!! It was built in the 1400's... Awesome!



There was a rule about food whilst in Germany. Thank goodness I am an adventurous eater or I would have been shit outta luck.... This is me kissing the head of a smoked eel. That was the tastiest thing I had while I was there (except for bier, duh!). I am kissing it to thank it for giving the ultimate sacrifice for my dining pleasure. I won't go into detail about the couple of things I would never eat again because it will just make me gag. Suffice it to say, they were quite nasty and I would be fine to never have them again.



My trip down memory lane is complete. Thanks for tagging along!

Finally some good news!!

Since it has been such a "woe is me" blog as of late with news of my depression and my mono, it is wonderful to report there is happy news for my family... Very happy!

I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Yes, you heard me right! I called the chef on the 20th as it was his 43rd birthday. The chef is Mein Deustcher's little brother. The chef told me that Ambie is 2 months preggers!! I am so excited!!! I am so happy for them because I know this is something they have both wanted!

Yay!!!

It's been a while...

It has been a while since I posted a German word of the day simply for its "educational purposes". Today I thought I would show you something important you need to know if you find yourself driving down the Autobahn.

Today's word is Ausfahrt. What I love about it is that it is pronounced just like you think it should be. What amuses me even more is that it means Exit. How much fun it that?? Ambie and I got the biggest kick out of it and would mutter "ausfahrt" every time we passed an exit ramp. Okay, at least it was amusing to us... Mein Deutscher and the chef were not nearly as entertained as Ambie and I but that is their loss.

Well I have done my duty of teaching you German one word at a time for today.

You're welcome...

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Have you heard about the latest craze? Well, whether you have or have not Dragon Boat Racing is coming to Nashville. I am a little psyched about it to be quite honest. Ambie and the chef participated in their local race this spring. My uncle participates in his local race annually as well. All three have told me how very much they enjoyed it.


My company is planning on sponsoring a boat this year and I might just participate. My German has been trying to convince his company to sponsor one as well. We are going to try and do this together (if one of our companies will allow spouses) versus being on opposing teams. We are both a little too competitive to risk loosing to one another. Bragging rights are HUGE in our house so unless I can guarantee that I have them.... Well, you get the picture.

So boys and girls out there, have any of you participated in Dragon Boat racing? If so, what did you think about your experience? Regardless of whether or not I race, I will definitely make the trip down to Riverfront Park on August 25th to see what all the hoopla is about...

Alles gute zum Hochzeilstag

It is hard for me to believe that one year ago today I was standing barefoot on the beach at Honeymoon Island... I was worried because it rained for the first time in 4 days that afternoon. But at 8:00, the sun was just about to set, there was a brilliant rainbow in the sky and there were dolphins putting on our own private show by jumping in and out of the water just behind us... But most importantly of all there was us.

It was almost surreal marrying him in that setting. The waning sunlight sparkled on the water and waves were practically dancing as they softly washed on the shore. We picked a spot with a single palm tree and a weathered picnic table. We sprinkled a few flower petals around on the ground to stand on for good measure although with the natural beauty of the place it was completely unnecessary. There were just five of us, the minister, Ambie, the chef, my German and me.

There was no playing of “Here Comes the Bride” or anything by Wagner. Instead we opted for the lyrical sound of the gently lapping surf and the occasional bird. Standing there about to begin I was the kind of anxious that verges on nervous and was glad for the warm, gentle breeze that would blow to take the edge off of the hot July evening. I had nothing to be scared of because I was about to marry my soul mate, my lover, my best friend. I remember trying to not choke up but doing so none the less as my emotions got the better of me and a few stray tears trickled down my cheeks. Happy tears. It was magical to be holding hands and listening to him say to me "with this ring, I thee wed”.

I remember when we were pronounced husband and wife and the first thing I did was exclaim (and loudly) "Oh my God, we're married". Thankfully I managed to shut myself up so as not to ruin the moment. Instead I concentrated on more important things like kissing my husband for the first time as his bride.

We profusely thanked the minister as he made his was to another little oasis on the beach to marry yet another couple that beautiful summer evening. So it was time for a few photos to capture the moment for not only us but for those whom we love who were not able to join us. Ambie is an excellent photographer and she had us posing up and down the beach and managed to depict what it was we wanted memorialized.

There was real champagne. And beautiful flutes to drink it with... A wedding gift from Ambie and the chef. There were more exclamations of "Oh my God, we are married". I must have said it 10 times. I heard it when I watched the video. We just set the camera down and let it roll and you can hear me pipe in every so often with my little declaration.

Back at Ambie and the chef’s home there was a celebration with their friends and neighbors. There was cake and fireworks. There were phone calls to parents, mine in Tennessee and his in Germany. There were more toasts. And even without the benefit of music, there was dancing. The sound of the water kept the beat. Perfect.

So boys and girls, your German lesson for the day is what I want to say to my German, my husband, my love...

Alles gute zum Hochzeilstag, mein Schatz! Ich liebe dich!

Funf Jahr

Funf Jahr = Five year... And that is what is being celebrated today - Five years of marriage for Ambie and the chef. I have known the chef about 15 years or so but have only known Ambie almost three years. They are a wonderful couple (and I'm not just saying that 'cuz their family) and mein Deutscher and I love them to pieces! Aside from the Bubbie, they are the only members of the German's family that reside on the good ole U.S. of A.

So happy anniversary you two!! Much love from the two of us! Here's to 50 more!

Brandenburger Tor (a.k.a. the Brandenburg Gate)

Welcome to Berlin!! On our trip to Hamburg to see the German's family and friends, the German, Ambie, the chef and I took a side trip to soak in a bit more culture and history.

This is my fave pic of the batch. I love the whole diaganol view from which I shot the photo... I am having one blown up to hang at the homestead. I was in awe of actually being at "The Wall" and for all the history that tumbles into the brain from being there... "The Wall" came down in 1989 and I remember watching it on TV.

The only thing that detracted from the view was that there is a Starbucks a few feet away... Commercialism sucks.

My favorite German word...

Ambie (the American sis-in-law) and I both loved this word!! It is pronounced Pop en bootle (emphasis on the POP)... We wanted to go there "just because"; however, our Germans (my German and his younger brother) said it is not a destination of choice in Hamburg. They told us you only wind up there if you have had too much to drink and happen to miss your stop... There, I learned something new about Hamburg.

It is about two hours away from our stop at Billwerder Moorfleet (which is close to Bergedorf). Hamburg is a large city "state". Mein Deutscher was raised close to Bergedorf (kind of like the Lebanon/Mt. Juliet area compared to downtown Nashville).

If fun words amuse you like they do me, I hope you enjoyed Poppenbuttel... Tomorrow I probably will share my latest, greatest favorite word auf Deutsch...

Nittany

The chef and his wife suffered a loss last month. Nittany, their faithful, loyal pooch, passed away. Nittany was a wonderful pup and gave great joy for the fourteen plus years that she was on this planet.

Ambie, I am so sorry for your loss. I know Nittany was always there for you. I know she will be there for you in spirit. I know Duchess must be lonely for her too.

God bless you, Nittany. May you rest in peace.