05 November 2007


I am tired of the commentary I hear about my black eye. I am sick to death of anyone thinking my husband may have done this to me. I have documented how I did this. My husband was out of the country when it happened. My parents know this and I really should quit letting people get under my skin about this.

I am not an idiot. I know when people see this bad of a bruise (especially on a woman’s face) they naturally assume someone punched you. I know because I am guilty myself.

Let me set the record straight. This is the eighth (yes, 8th) black eye I have had during my 41 years on Earth. My last one was from a whitewater rafting incident when the idiot in front of me let go of his T-grip and it rammed into my eye. Said idiot is my ex-husband. Nuff said about that….

The other six were at the hand of an abusive asshole that I dated in college. Aside from the six black eyes I sport 54 (count ‘em, campers) scars from him. That was 21 years ago. To say it jaded me is an understatement. It changed how little or how much I trust others (namely men) is what it did. Never again will I be in a situation where I am belittled, intimidated, much less frightened for my very existence. Let me be clear, NEVER AGAIN!!!

I have known the German for 14 years. We have been together 3.5 years of that time. He may come across as a bit rough around the edges, but when it comes to me he is gentle as a lamb. He would never lay a hand on me. Not even in jest. He knows I still carry too much baggage from that. He knows the fragility of my psyche.

What hurts is that those who do not know him would think such a thing. I see people point and whisper. I have heard the rumors from other people. I am sick to death of it. You may not have met my husband so know that I am not the kind of woman who would tolerate abuse, mentally, physically, spiritually. Been there, bought the T-shirt. My husband is not the kind of man would inflect it. Nor would he abide such behavior towards me or any human being.

If you want to know what happened to my eye, ask me. I am a klutz and will tell you as much.


claudia said...

i can only imagine the rumors, now that you brought it up... isn't that a sad state of us as people to assume the very worst?

glad it's almost all better!

Malia said...

I don't even know what to say other than to agree with you that that totally sucks!! It would be so much better if people just asked you straight out how it happened instead of talking behind your back and starting rumors.

Hope you are bruise free soon so that you can put all that behind you!

jag said...

I never once thought the German was behind this. It's pathetic that people jump to that conclusion.

PS So glad you're in this relationship and have those others behind you!

Klinde said...

Claudia: Yes, it is sad that people always assume the worse. Even when they do not know the players involved…

Malia: I am looking forward to being bruise free very soon. Hopefully by Turkey day.

Jag: Thank you! And you’ve only seen him a couple of times. Why for the love of all that is good would I blame my toilet if it were not true? I think it hurts most that people who do not know him would have a preconceived notion about him.

ceeelcee said...

I guess it's a good thing that it would never have even occurred to me in a hundred years.

Glad you're almost mended.

Fergie. Heh.

saucygrrl said...

I happen to bruise very easily and at any given time I can have up to 5 unknown bruises on my body because I don't pay attention to things like walking.

Many of these bruises are little tiny round ones, the size of a fingertip (and usually three in a row) and I cannot tell you how many times I have been stopped by doctors, co-workers, or strangers and given "the talk." No matter what you tell them, they just think you're lying to cover it up.

I mean, seriously, if they ever met my husband (who is one of the most gentle and meek people on earth) I'm sure they would have no doubt of his innocence. Or, maybe they would just assume that I was having an affair with an abusive guy. Who knows. All I know is that I end up getting pissed and just tell myself that they can believe what they want to because what they think is they truth isn't. And that's something I'm fine living with.

Kristina said...

Glad to hear that you're on the mend, lady. Like so many others, it never occurred to me to suspect that there were nefarious goings-on. Probably because busting my head on the toilet is totally something I would do, too.

Keep recuperating -- I'm thinking of you!

Klinde said...

Ceeelcee: Thanks! He’s a great guy and would not harm a fly… A spider, yes, but not a fly.

Saucygrrl: I too bruise easily and take quite a while to mend. I am always banged up somewhere or another as well and have no idea how I got said bruise. My mother calls me the “Princess and the Pea” because I am so delicate – hehe.

Kristina: Last time I had a run in with my house I broke my ankle and had to have surgery. That is before the German lived in it. I totally did that all on my own. Stupid staircase….

HRH Yao-Lin said...

To be honest, I think I woud probably think the same at first glance. It is just too easy to jump to conclusions. It's silly but if I saw a man with a black eye I would simply think they had been in a fight with another man! Isn't that ridiculous!!

Finn said...

That is very hurtful! That thought never occured to me though, for what it's worth. Glad it's getting better though - it was one heck of a shiner!

Kerstin said...

I think it's human nature to assume things like that. Of course, having read your story of what happened, it never would have occurred to me to ask if The German did it, because accidents do happen.

I think for the most part people have good intentions when they ask about things like this. Sometimes though, they're just gossip monger's and need to get a life.

Hope the eye is looking better.