The rules are simple:
* Link back to the person who tagged you. And that would be the lovely Kerstin
* Send a letter back in time to your 13 year old self.
* Tag 5 more people to do this meme.
What a long, strange trip it has been…. I am coming to you from my 41st year in life to reach out to you in 1979 when you were a mere 13 year old struggling with leaving Texas and moving to Tennessee. I know it was a tough move for you, but hey, you could have wound up in Des Moines so it really is not that bad.
You will experience many challenges leaving south Texas that you really did not expect. You will learn neighbors will not let their children play with you because you are Catholic. I know you will not understand that because I still do not. You will still be proud of the fact and not hide from it regardless of the outcome. You will learn that Tennessee public schools suck as opposed to those in Texas. You will have little to no homework. You should apply yourself a bit more and keep enrolling in the honor courses because they will teach you a great deal more and help you learn to study when you are in college because you certainly do not have good habits in that.
You will try too hard to fit in with the “in crowd”. Your ADD will rear its ugly head and you will struggle with being way too hyper in situations. You will not make varsity cheerleader the first go around; however, you will the years following. Please do not define yourself by finally making it to the cooler group of people. You will not keep in touch with any of them within a year of graduation.
When you are 16 you will have your first real boyfriend. You will be with him on and off for nine years. You will learn a lot about what it is you truly want out of a relationship. You will keep in touch with him a couple of times a year – especially on birthdays, but not really more than that.
You will have a difficult time in college. During a sabbatical from the nine year relationship you will fall for a guy you think is so very cool…. Run, do not walk, away!! And quickly! He is a drug dealer. He will beat the shit out of you on a regular basis and he will hold you hostage in his house. No one will come to your rescue because he makes you call your parents regularly and they have no idea. If you mess up again and get into this, escape on your very first opportunity! Run like the wind and do not look back! His rationale of doing this because he “loves you so much” is a bunch of shit. Don’t buy into it. Love does not hurt like that.
As you get older you will make many mistakes with men. Falling for them too quickly, moving in with them. You need to realize that you have to love yourself first before you can truly love and be loved by someone else. It is a difficult lesson to learn and it may take you many years and many frogs.
Regarding your first husband… Don’t beat yourself up too badly for having married him. I was there… I remember thinking it was time to get married because I was 29 and all my friends were married and had babies. That is not the reason to marry someone. He was not a bad man, just a bad choice of husband for you (I mean me, uh, er, us). However, the strength and grace you have as you leave him after his affairs and divorce him sets a tone and you finally realize your self-worth. Perhaps without that experience I would not be the woman I am now. And as an added bonus, if you would not have left him, you would not have been there when Daddy was home and had his heart attack. Daddy would have died but you saved him. This will be one of your proudest moments and it will bond the two of you in a way that you have never experienced to date.
When the German first tells you he loves you, quit pushing him away and treating him so badly the first year. Quit telling him to leave you alone. Remember, he is going to come over on May 2, 2004 and clean your gutters at the house. You are going to take him to dinner to thank him and he is never going to leave and you are going to be very happy with that situation.
Other miscellaneous notes:
* Spend time with your family. Mama is going to be diagnosed with lung cancer in 2006. You are going to be devastated. You are going to push through it. You are going to thank God for each and every day you still have her.
* When you first go on antidepressants, stay on them. Your mood swings will be much more controllable.
* Stop spending money like you have an endless supply. Put a bunch in your 401k.
* Don’t start smoking again when you leave the ex-husband. It won’t make anything better.
* Remember to be grateful for the blessings in your life.
* Do not be upset that you can not have biological children. There are far worse things that could happen and these things happen for a reason. Whether or not you understand the reason is a completely different matter.
I hope this has helped you get a glimpse into what is to come. There will good and bad; however, there will also be incredible moments. Relish them and enjoy the ride!
I am tagging: