My last hiatus is my previous post. To say that my life has been tumultuous is a vast understatement. As previously posted, I was laid off on 8/25. Am I gainfully employed yet? Uh, no.... There have been offers that I declined for various reasons, not a good fit, the salary was completely unacceptable, etc, etc.... Hindsight can be a bitch and I wonder if I was mistaken in not taking something but I go forward. I have a second and third interview next week that completely excite me. In all honesty it is the first opportunity that excites me and that I actually want! I won't go into detail; however, if you are the praying type, I would appreciate it; otherwise, positive vibes are also accepted.
My depression has run rampant. Unfortunately my lack of a decent paycheck has caused a budget short fall on the homefront. Cuts were made and my script for anti-depressants was a victim. Somehow electricity and food won. Crazy, huh? Pun DEFINITELY intended....
To say we are struggling financially is an understatement. I have barrelled through two 401k accounts to avoid foreclosure. That is not an option. But I am scraping the bottom. March's mortgage is in the bag, it is April that I dread. Plus I learned from taking out the 401k accounts we actually OWE the government close to $1k. It will work itself out somehow. I have faith in the Lord above. Even if I have to wait tables at the local IHOP to make it, I will do what I have to do. I am not too proud to keep us afloat. I will be 43 on 4/3 and the last thing I want to do is move back in with my parents. Not that they have the room for us anyway, Daddy would have to give up his computer room... And I am certain they do not want three more tenants because the kitty is a non-negotiable roomie as well.
As if there is not enough rain on my parade Mama has had a recurrence. She has a new spot on what is left of her left lung. It is resting on her pulmonary artery. She had a biopsy in January. There were complications a few days later which resulted in a four day stint at Vandy. They only told me about it because a friend of theirs convinced them to. They did not want to worry me. Like I don't worry about the beast each and every day coming back and claiming my mother. WTF? To top it off, there is a pinpoint spot on her right lung as well. She outlived her original diagnosis by almost a year now. The spot on the left is inoperable and she is not a candidate for radiation. Both are due to the scarring from the previous surgery and radiation. Three passes were attempted to accurately biopsy the spot to no avail. Since it is wrapped around the pulmonary artery it was far too risky to try further. She developed a pulmonary pneumothorax. She looked like Quasimodo. Medical students and interns alike all looked at the wonder of her fist sized hump. Sheesh. My mother lived a "Grey's Anatomy" moment without a single visit from McDreamy. The course of treatment is "wait and see". Did I ever mention that I am completely inpatient? My attention span can last anywhere from one to sixty seconds barring anything shiny being dangled in front of me.
Gentle reader, there is a positive in all of this.... on 9/7/08, Ambie and the chef welcomed their first child, my niece, Ela. She is beautiful, healthy, and completely adorable. The German is visiting them as I type this as he is traveling on business and made a short detour to meet the newest addition to the family. He has smothered her in kisses and refuses to give her to either parent. As gruff as my German can be, he is a total sucker for babies and children adore him. I would have loved to have made the trip with him but the seeking of employment is an impediment. I know the chef and Ambie understand and Ela is too young to know the difference. But I want to be part of her life and will!
So, that is all the news fit to print. I have missed you Bloggyland. I have renewed my Visa and plan to visit more often.
Showing posts with label Things that SUCK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Things that SUCK. Show all posts
27 February 2009
22 April 2008
Mental constipation
I have not been blogging as much as I would like to. That is not to say there have not been things happening which would make for good blog fodder, it is more along the lines that I am mentally constipated and can not seem to get any of the ideas out… Unfortunately there is not a Dulcolax for the brain, so in a manner of speaking, I have been shit outta luck…
If I can manage a brain dump (put most definitely intended) then I will back to entertain the three readers I have with my witty repartee and amazing story telling abilities (feel free to laugh).
However, something happened just two days ago that I felt compelled to share… It, of course, involves my German.
To say that mein Deutscher is bad with money is a gross understatement. His idea of checking the balance is to drive through ATM and see what it reads. That is the balance he goes by. Even if I explain that there is $700 but $600 will be out in bills all he sees is a $700 balance and thinks it is fine to hit the fast cash option of $100 bucks and be on his merry way. That, of course, wreaks havoc on our finances and leaves us with a negative balance and then money will have to be transferred from savings to take care of his faux pas. He is notorious for this. It has caused major disagreements between us. I have tried to explain it to him to no avail.
Fast forward to two days ago… My German was on a business trip in Florida. I told him he could take out $30 dollars for spending money. Of course all things such as his hotel, food and gas are covered, but in case he wanted a beer, he needed a little pocket money. So yesterday as I check the online balance, I see he saw fit to take out $60 instead of the $30 I allotted for him. Being the miserly wife that I am I called him in Florida to see what the deal was…. He said the ATM did not give him an option for $30 so he took $60 instead. I calmly asked why he did not type in a dollar amount and he could not give me a good answer. He spent $5 to get a pack of smokes (yes, I know we need to quit, but that is not the point here). The rest of the cash (2 twenties, a ten and a five) were tucked under the garage door opener clipped to the visor. Well my German decided since it was such a lovely day, he would cruise around with the windows open….
Let me tell you that lightweight cash versus the wind of two open windows in a Ford F250 going 70 down the highway will always loose…. Yes, the 2 twenties went flying out the window….
My husband LITERALLY threw money out the window!!
He’s lucky I love him so….
If I can manage a brain dump (put most definitely intended) then I will back to entertain the three readers I have with my witty repartee and amazing story telling abilities (feel free to laugh).
However, something happened just two days ago that I felt compelled to share… It, of course, involves my German.
To say that mein Deutscher is bad with money is a gross understatement. His idea of checking the balance is to drive through ATM and see what it reads. That is the balance he goes by. Even if I explain that there is $700 but $600 will be out in bills all he sees is a $700 balance and thinks it is fine to hit the fast cash option of $100 bucks and be on his merry way. That, of course, wreaks havoc on our finances and leaves us with a negative balance and then money will have to be transferred from savings to take care of his faux pas. He is notorious for this. It has caused major disagreements between us. I have tried to explain it to him to no avail.
Fast forward to two days ago… My German was on a business trip in Florida. I told him he could take out $30 dollars for spending money. Of course all things such as his hotel, food and gas are covered, but in case he wanted a beer, he needed a little pocket money. So yesterday as I check the online balance, I see he saw fit to take out $60 instead of the $30 I allotted for him. Being the miserly wife that I am I called him in Florida to see what the deal was…. He said the ATM did not give him an option for $30 so he took $60 instead. I calmly asked why he did not type in a dollar amount and he could not give me a good answer. He spent $5 to get a pack of smokes (yes, I know we need to quit, but that is not the point here). The rest of the cash (2 twenties, a ten and a five) were tucked under the garage door opener clipped to the visor. Well my German decided since it was such a lovely day, he would cruise around with the windows open….
Let me tell you that lightweight cash versus the wind of two open windows in a Ford F250 going 70 down the highway will always loose…. Yes, the 2 twenties went flying out the window….
My husband LITERALLY threw money out the window!!
He’s lucky I love him so….
08 April 2008
They don't call it the "big muddy" for nothin!
Behold the mighty Mississippi river and the power that Mother Nature has… These photos are from earlier today.
This is my satellite office in Louisiana along the banks of the river. I just paid a visit there on March 25th long before the flooding began. The sand bags you see were being put in place then in anticipation of the water levels.
Here is a view of the river from the parking lot... Please note the signs for reserved parking are almost submerged. The employees are parking about a 1/4th of a mile away and walking down. Then they are towed into the area in a little boat on a tow line. You have to watch out for the water moccasins!! No, I am not kidding...
Here is a large truck going thru the parking lot. Toward the bottom of the photo is the Mississippi breaching the banks.
Another view... This time from a top a barge on the river. The almost completely submerged bridge used to be what lead you onto the barge floating there.
Here are the offices my co-workers are in. As I type this, they are evacuating them because the river has yet to crest and they are expecting another couple of feet.
Here is a view of the offices from aboard the barge. That is the Mississippi creeping up on them only held off by a few sand bags....
And you thought you were having a bad day......
This is my satellite office in Louisiana along the banks of the river. I just paid a visit there on March 25th long before the flooding began. The sand bags you see were being put in place then in anticipation of the water levels.
Here is a view of the river from the parking lot... Please note the signs for reserved parking are almost submerged. The employees are parking about a 1/4th of a mile away and walking down. Then they are towed into the area in a little boat on a tow line. You have to watch out for the water moccasins!! No, I am not kidding...
Here is a large truck going thru the parking lot. Toward the bottom of the photo is the Mississippi breaching the banks.
Another view... This time from a top a barge on the river. The almost completely submerged bridge used to be what lead you onto the barge floating there.
Here are the offices my co-workers are in. As I type this, they are evacuating them because the river has yet to crest and they are expecting another couple of feet.
Here is a view of the offices from aboard the barge. That is the Mississippi creeping up on them only held off by a few sand bags....
And you thought you were having a bad day......
15 March 2008
WTF?????
So my German is working a show for his company. It is a huge show that has over 1500 vendors and he is in charge of the crew for his company. He has been working 12-16hour days for the past three weeks without a day off. He is exhausted but happy as he is a work horse and thrives under that type of situation. His work ethic is phenomenal to say the very least. The company mein Deutscher works for is, ironically, a German based company (go figure). He is employed by the North American headquarters. The home office is located close to the Frankfurt/Cologne area.
With that being said, he was approached by someone from the German-based operations regarding what he is doing here in the good ole U.S. of A. That person wants him to consider doing the same thing for the international company. Did I mention that this would probably base him out of the Frankfurt office???
Gentle reader, if you have been following me for any length of time you know that I attempted German lessons and failed miserably. I have no aptitude for the Germanic language. I perpetually sound as though I have a hair ball when trying to enunciate the few words I know. How in the hell would I be able to live in country where I can not speak the language? Furthermore, how would I survive being seven time zones away from my parents? Hell, I am only seven miles away from them right now and that is fine by me. I don't know what I would do to have that much distance between us. I am an only child and have an incredible relationship with them. Their health has been an issue for the past couple of years and I do not think I could handle being separated from them by the Atlantic.
I am at a loss. I am confused and frightened by the entire prospect. It is a huge compliment to my husband that the efforts he puts forth have been recognized on a very high level. I appreciate that and love him all the more for it. However, what about me?! I love visiting Germany but to live there? I am making lists of pros and cons. I am thinking. I spent an hour with Daddy this morning discussing this. I am praying. Lord knows I need His divine guidance.
With that being said, he was approached by someone from the German-based operations regarding what he is doing here in the good ole U.S. of A. That person wants him to consider doing the same thing for the international company. Did I mention that this would probably base him out of the Frankfurt office???
Gentle reader, if you have been following me for any length of time you know that I attempted German lessons and failed miserably. I have no aptitude for the Germanic language. I perpetually sound as though I have a hair ball when trying to enunciate the few words I know. How in the hell would I be able to live in country where I can not speak the language? Furthermore, how would I survive being seven time zones away from my parents? Hell, I am only seven miles away from them right now and that is fine by me. I don't know what I would do to have that much distance between us. I am an only child and have an incredible relationship with them. Their health has been an issue for the past couple of years and I do not think I could handle being separated from them by the Atlantic.
I am at a loss. I am confused and frightened by the entire prospect. It is a huge compliment to my husband that the efforts he puts forth have been recognized on a very high level. I appreciate that and love him all the more for it. However, what about me?! I love visiting Germany but to live there? I am making lists of pros and cons. I am thinking. I spent an hour with Daddy this morning discussing this. I am praying. Lord knows I need His divine guidance.
09 March 2008
I wish I could have....
In no particular order, here are some things I wish I could have done while being out of work with mono...
1. Pedicure
2. Hair cut & color
3. Cleaned the bathroom
4. Give Scout a bath
5. Organize the desk
6. Study my German lessons
7. Organized my DVD collection
But alas, I was too damned tired to do any of it!
1. Pedicure
2. Hair cut & color
3. Cleaned the bathroom
4. Give Scout a bath
5. Organize the desk
6. Study my German lessons
7. Organized my DVD collection
But alas, I was too damned tired to do any of it!
04 March 2008
Klutzy Klinde
As you may recall my adventures of woman vs. toilet I am a klutz. Total klutz! I once tripped over a painted line, seriously!
I have had another run in, this time it was not with my head against the toilet, thankfully. This time I got my ass kicked by a cardboard box! No, I am not kidding. I was getting ready for bed and reached to turn off the lamp by the desk. I lost my footing and came down hard while creating a 4.5 inch gash directly above my left hip bone. You know how much a papercut can hurt? Well try to imagine what the corner of a damned box is like! It is at such an angle that I can not photograph it myself. It is so bad that I am bruised to boot.
I am pitiful.
I have had another run in, this time it was not with my head against the toilet, thankfully. This time I got my ass kicked by a cardboard box! No, I am not kidding. I was getting ready for bed and reached to turn off the lamp by the desk. I lost my footing and came down hard while creating a 4.5 inch gash directly above my left hip bone. You know how much a papercut can hurt? Well try to imagine what the corner of a damned box is like! It is at such an angle that I can not photograph it myself. It is so bad that I am bruised to boot.
I am pitiful.
25 February 2008
Auntie D's hubby
I just got off of the phone with my mom and found out my uncle has lesions on his brain and they are looking for the primary source of cancer as I type this because the lesions mean it has metastasized from another location. He is only 51 or 52 and my Auntie D (Mama's baby sis) is a mess. When I feel a bit better my mom will probably leave for Austin to help her and her family because Aunti D is having a really hard time and she is closest to my mother than her other siblings.
Certainly makes my mono pale in comparison.
I am really upset by it because Auntie D and I are very close. She is like a big sis to me because we are only 11 years apart.
Auntie D's hubby has a sis studying to be an oncologist. She is on her way to Austin to help them and ask/answer questions and say it in ways that they understand. That ought to help her out tremendously.
When it rains, it pours...
Certainly makes my mono pale in comparison.
I am really upset by it because Auntie D and I are very close. She is like a big sis to me because we are only 11 years apart.
Auntie D's hubby has a sis studying to be an oncologist. She is on her way to Austin to help them and ask/answer questions and say it in ways that they understand. That ought to help her out tremendously.
When it rains, it pours...
20 February 2008
It's my mono and I'll nap if I want to....
Guess who only made it back to work for 2 whole days before crashing and burning??!?!!? If you guessed Klinde, you win! I am going back out until at least the 29th of February. I am one sick puppy.
Just thought you all would like to know. Carry on!
Just thought you all would like to know. Carry on!
04 February 2008
Sicky poo
Seems I like I am always blogging about being sick or depressed or something that always is a downer. I can't believe I have contracted mono for a third time at 41 years old!! I am wiped out.... And believe me, that is an understatement! I slept about 35 hours this weekend. I am still going to work. I can barely keep my eyes open now and it is only 7:30. I am trying to stay awake to watch my favorite show but it does not come on until 9:00 so I may not make it. I am a dud.
Truly, I have become my cat. Only I am getting a mere 10 hours of sleep a day.
The poor German is relegated to all household duties. Cooking, cleaning, doing my bidding. I try not to take advantage; however, I am so freaking tired that I can barely manuever the stairs after an 8.5 hour day at work. Thankfully my boss is understanding and suggested (as did the doc) that I take a week or two off to recover properly. That is not my style. I need to go to work and do my job.
I feel like I have been given a megadose of phenergan after taking a handful of Tylenol PM chased by a glass full of vodka. That is how tired I feel.
I tend to get bleary-eyed just walking around. Supposedly I should begin to feel better in 2 - 6 weeks. Look out, come Easter I should be raring to go.
I really should not complain, it could be so much worse. But you know how that goes... Whatever is wrong with you at the time seems like the worse thing ever. Right now I just want to curl up and sleep until March. That might make it all better.
Truly, I have become my cat. Only I am getting a mere 10 hours of sleep a day.
The poor German is relegated to all household duties. Cooking, cleaning, doing my bidding. I try not to take advantage; however, I am so freaking tired that I can barely manuever the stairs after an 8.5 hour day at work. Thankfully my boss is understanding and suggested (as did the doc) that I take a week or two off to recover properly. That is not my style. I need to go to work and do my job.
I feel like I have been given a megadose of phenergan after taking a handful of Tylenol PM chased by a glass full of vodka. That is how tired I feel.
I tend to get bleary-eyed just walking around. Supposedly I should begin to feel better in 2 - 6 weeks. Look out, come Easter I should be raring to go.
I really should not complain, it could be so much worse. But you know how that goes... Whatever is wrong with you at the time seems like the worse thing ever. Right now I just want to curl up and sleep until March. That might make it all better.
31 January 2008
"Kissing disease"
It is official…. I have mono. It is my third time around with it the first being when I was in fifth grade, the second back in 2003 and now. I have been utterly exhausted for weeks. I chalked it up to stress and depression never thinking it could be a recurrence of mono. Then something struck me when I was at the doctor’s office on Monday…. Maybe it is mono that is zapping me of all energy and leaving me yearning to do nothing more than snooze.
I remember being tired the other two times. I remember barely being able to crawl out of bed. I slept about 18 hours a day. I became my cat.
I worry about this bout because the last time I had mono I packed on about 10 pounds due to lack of any form of exercise. Sleeping does not burn many calories nor does lying on the couch channel surfing. I have worked hard to loose almost fifty pounds over the past two years. I did not gain it overnight so why expect to loose it quickly.
Bottom line, if you see me with my head on the table, don’t bother waking me up. I am too damned tired to care.
I remember being tired the other two times. I remember barely being able to crawl out of bed. I slept about 18 hours a day. I became my cat.
I worry about this bout because the last time I had mono I packed on about 10 pounds due to lack of any form of exercise. Sleeping does not burn many calories nor does lying on the couch channel surfing. I have worked hard to loose almost fifty pounds over the past two years. I did not gain it overnight so why expect to loose it quickly.
Bottom line, if you see me with my head on the table, don’t bother waking me up. I am too damned tired to care.
29 January 2008
Woe is me..
It is just another day in paradise here. I finally have moved along from the depression that was the centerpiece of my existence only to get physcially ill. I carry my stress around quite literally and it often manifests itself into an illness of sorts. I have had my IBS kick in for the past 10 days am now dehydrated and had to call in sick from work today. I have the shakes. I have been in bed since last night around 10:00p. I got up at 3:30 because I know it is the only way I will be able to sleep through the night tonight.
I went to the doctor yesterday to get things checked out. I was referred to a gastro doc and can not been seen until Monday. I am fairly certain there is another colonoscopy in my future. I dread that... Not so much the procedure as the prep. It is horrific and nauseating.
I was also tested for mono. You see I carry the Epstein Barr virus and am prone to mono. I last was full-blown with mono in 2003. I was not contagious (which is strange) and I was off of work for six weeks and slept as much as my my kitty does. It was not a fun time, let me tell you.
I truly hate that my blogging has turned to negative things for this time. I need an outlet to vent. I am sorry my few readers are suffering along with what is wrong with Klinde today. I a praying it gets better.
I went to the doctor yesterday to get things checked out. I was referred to a gastro doc and can not been seen until Monday. I am fairly certain there is another colonoscopy in my future. I dread that... Not so much the procedure as the prep. It is horrific and nauseating.
I was also tested for mono. You see I carry the Epstein Barr virus and am prone to mono. I last was full-blown with mono in 2003. I was not contagious (which is strange) and I was off of work for six weeks and slept as much as my my kitty does. It was not a fun time, let me tell you.
I truly hate that my blogging has turned to negative things for this time. I need an outlet to vent. I am sorry my few readers are suffering along with what is wrong with Klinde today. I a praying it gets better.
26 November 2007
Back to normal programming
I did not mean to take a blogging hiatus. Life has an annoying habit of getting in the way of things you mean to do. There has been an onslaught of things to do personally. The German and I have been preparing for the arrival of the Bubbie on Wednesday, November 28th. He is coming in for a children’s Christmas party that the German’s company throws annually. He goes back home to Jersey on Sunday, December 2nd.
The downside is that the German has to be out of town the Thursday and Friday that the Bubbie is here. I am pissed. Mind you, not at the German. It is not his fault. He told people a while back that his son was going to be here and that he could not travel during that time. We get the Bubbie infrequently. We have only seen him 16 days this entire year. And now that we get him for just four precious days, my German has to go out of town on business. Bubbie lands the evening of the 28th. The German has to depart either before Bubbie arrives or around 4a on Thursday. It slices his time with his son in half and I am livid.
Don’t get me wrong, I know this is not anyone’s fault. Business is business and something came up. I know that is out of everyone’s control. It just makes my heart ache for my husband and his son.
I love my step son with my whole heart. My parents adore him as he is the only grandchild they will ever know. The Bubbie even calls them Memere and Pepere which is the Cajun names for grandparents. He loves spending time with them and is spoiled completely rotten by them and my 86 year old Nana who lives with them. Who would not want that kind of attention? Of course my parents are utterly exhausted each day they watch him while I work (I wiped out my vacation in March going to Hamburg to meet my German’s parents).
Basically I needed to vent. I wanted to go visit my other friends in bloggyland as well after my two week stint of being offline. There will be more later on the visit as it is always a good time when the Bubbie comes to visit… Unless of course you are my cat... She remembers the previous visit.
The downside is that the German has to be out of town the Thursday and Friday that the Bubbie is here. I am pissed. Mind you, not at the German. It is not his fault. He told people a while back that his son was going to be here and that he could not travel during that time. We get the Bubbie infrequently. We have only seen him 16 days this entire year. And now that we get him for just four precious days, my German has to go out of town on business. Bubbie lands the evening of the 28th. The German has to depart either before Bubbie arrives or around 4a on Thursday. It slices his time with his son in half and I am livid.
Don’t get me wrong, I know this is not anyone’s fault. Business is business and something came up. I know that is out of everyone’s control. It just makes my heart ache for my husband and his son.
I love my step son with my whole heart. My parents adore him as he is the only grandchild they will ever know. The Bubbie even calls them Memere and Pepere which is the Cajun names for grandparents. He loves spending time with them and is spoiled completely rotten by them and my 86 year old Nana who lives with them. Who would not want that kind of attention? Of course my parents are utterly exhausted each day they watch him while I work (I wiped out my vacation in March going to Hamburg to meet my German’s parents).
Basically I needed to vent. I wanted to go visit my other friends in bloggyland as well after my two week stint of being offline. There will be more later on the visit as it is always a good time when the Bubbie comes to visit… Unless of course you are my cat... She remembers the previous visit.
05 November 2007
Venting
I am tired of the commentary I hear about my black eye. I am sick to death of anyone thinking my husband may have done this to me. I have documented how I did this. My husband was out of the country when it happened. My parents know this and I really should quit letting people get under my skin about this.
I am not an idiot. I know when people see this bad of a bruise (especially on a woman’s face) they naturally assume someone punched you. I know because I am guilty myself.
Let me set the record straight. This is the eighth (yes, 8th) black eye I have had during my 41 years on Earth. My last one was from a whitewater rafting incident when the idiot in front of me let go of his T-grip and it rammed into my eye. Said idiot is my ex-husband. Nuff said about that….
The other six were at the hand of an abusive asshole that I dated in college. Aside from the six black eyes I sport 54 (count ‘em, campers) scars from him. That was 21 years ago. To say it jaded me is an understatement. It changed how little or how much I trust others (namely men) is what it did. Never again will I be in a situation where I am belittled, intimidated, much less frightened for my very existence. Let me be clear, NEVER AGAIN!!!
I have known the German for 14 years. We have been together 3.5 years of that time. He may come across as a bit rough around the edges, but when it comes to me he is gentle as a lamb. He would never lay a hand on me. Not even in jest. He knows I still carry too much baggage from that. He knows the fragility of my psyche.
What hurts is that those who do not know him would think such a thing. I see people point and whisper. I have heard the rumors from other people. I am sick to death of it. You may not have met my husband so know that I am not the kind of woman who would tolerate abuse, mentally, physically, spiritually. Been there, bought the T-shirt. My husband is not the kind of man would inflect it. Nor would he abide such behavior towards me or any human being.
If you want to know what happened to my eye, ask me. I am a klutz and will tell you as much.
I am not an idiot. I know when people see this bad of a bruise (especially on a woman’s face) they naturally assume someone punched you. I know because I am guilty myself.
Let me set the record straight. This is the eighth (yes, 8th) black eye I have had during my 41 years on Earth. My last one was from a whitewater rafting incident when the idiot in front of me let go of his T-grip and it rammed into my eye. Said idiot is my ex-husband. Nuff said about that….
The other six were at the hand of an abusive asshole that I dated in college. Aside from the six black eyes I sport 54 (count ‘em, campers) scars from him. That was 21 years ago. To say it jaded me is an understatement. It changed how little or how much I trust others (namely men) is what it did. Never again will I be in a situation where I am belittled, intimidated, much less frightened for my very existence. Let me be clear, NEVER AGAIN!!!
I have known the German for 14 years. We have been together 3.5 years of that time. He may come across as a bit rough around the edges, but when it comes to me he is gentle as a lamb. He would never lay a hand on me. Not even in jest. He knows I still carry too much baggage from that. He knows the fragility of my psyche.
What hurts is that those who do not know him would think such a thing. I see people point and whisper. I have heard the rumors from other people. I am sick to death of it. You may not have met my husband so know that I am not the kind of woman who would tolerate abuse, mentally, physically, spiritually. Been there, bought the T-shirt. My husband is not the kind of man would inflect it. Nor would he abide such behavior towards me or any human being.
If you want to know what happened to my eye, ask me. I am a klutz and will tell you as much.
22 October 2007
Don't rain on my parade....
As much as I know we need the rain, that my yard craves it and you can nearly hear it drink it up in grateful gulps, I am upset that it is raining. You see, we suffered a bit of storm damage last week and the mighty wind that came through in gusts took off some of our siding leaving only exposed wood. I was hoping it would remain dry until repairs are completed.
I have already received one estimate. Thankfully it was for considerably less than the German and I thought it may be. We were guessing more along the lines of $400 - $500. Either way it is a steep chuck of change coming out of our perpetually empty pockets. But it is our home and it has to be repaired. Otherwise we are just begging for trouble. We are getting a second estimate tomorrow.
No pun intended, but when it rains, it pours. The depression starts to subside and the eye is beginning to heal and a new challenge awaits us wanting to drain the meager money I have put aside for Christmas. We live leanly. Well for the most part anyway. We try to more so than actually accomplishing said feat as we both suck when it comes to money. On that level we are not exactly a match made in heaven… More like one made at the Bank of Woes… Looks like it is a week of PB&J for lunch for me this week to keep a little extra $$$ in the account to cover for any incidentals and to put that stuff called gas in our cars that both vehicles seemingly need to get us from point A to point B (otherwise known as work).
I am not complaining as I know it could be considerably worse. I could not have a home to begin with, or a car to get me around, or a job, or food. I am not that selfish as to know there are many blessings and that I count those as well. There are people far less fortunate that we are and I am grateful and pleased for the things that I do have. Especially the ones that money can not buy like my wonderful husband, family, friends, and the ability to see beyond the bad and recognize all that is good, fair, beautiful and just in my life.
I have already received one estimate. Thankfully it was for considerably less than the German and I thought it may be. We were guessing more along the lines of $400 - $500. Either way it is a steep chuck of change coming out of our perpetually empty pockets. But it is our home and it has to be repaired. Otherwise we are just begging for trouble. We are getting a second estimate tomorrow.
No pun intended, but when it rains, it pours. The depression starts to subside and the eye is beginning to heal and a new challenge awaits us wanting to drain the meager money I have put aside for Christmas. We live leanly. Well for the most part anyway. We try to more so than actually accomplishing said feat as we both suck when it comes to money. On that level we are not exactly a match made in heaven… More like one made at the Bank of Woes… Looks like it is a week of PB&J for lunch for me this week to keep a little extra $$$ in the account to cover for any incidentals and to put that stuff called gas in our cars that both vehicles seemingly need to get us from point A to point B (otherwise known as work).
I am not complaining as I know it could be considerably worse. I could not have a home to begin with, or a car to get me around, or a job, or food. I am not that selfish as to know there are many blessings and that I count those as well. There are people far less fortunate that we are and I am grateful and pleased for the things that I do have. Especially the ones that money can not buy like my wonderful husband, family, friends, and the ability to see beyond the bad and recognize all that is good, fair, beautiful and just in my life.
08 October 2007
Shiny, not so happy Klinde
Whoa is me as yet another tragedy befalls me... I have a black eye... My story is not nearly as funny as the recovering Baptist's or was it done in public like Ginger's run in with the tree. Instead I got up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night, bumped my left arm into the door jam (nice bruise on my flabby bicep), slipped on the damned bathrug with very little rubber left on the bottom and took a nose dive onto the toilet... Scraped my forehead before hitting my eye and scraped my right ear on the cabinet for good measure to boot. My camera is not working or I would post a photo... Sorry, you are out of luck on that one.
Yes, my toilet beat the shit out of me.... Pun most definitely intended...
Oh, and feel free to laugh....
Yes, my toilet beat the shit out of me.... Pun most definitely intended...
Oh, and feel free to laugh....
03 October 2007
Sick again... Yay me, NOT!
After 42 days straight on antibiotics for 4 UTIs since mid May, I have come down with strep. Yay me... You would think that I would practically be immune to anything with this much medicine in me. Sadly, no.
The good news is that I started the Lexapro. I am experiencing the oh, so fun, side effect of night sweats. That coupled with being pre-menopausal makes for a sleeping challenge. Good-bye REM sleep, hello restless nights... However, I need some well deserved relief from the depression.
Just felt like sharing. That is all, carry on.
The good news is that I started the Lexapro. I am experiencing the oh, so fun, side effect of night sweats. That coupled with being pre-menopausal makes for a sleeping challenge. Good-bye REM sleep, hello restless nights... However, I need some well deserved relief from the depression.
Just felt like sharing. That is all, carry on.
25 September 2007
E-etiquette
I would like to explain a little email etiquette. Some people do not want to read every little comment being made. With that being said, take note. People, there is a difference between hitting “reply” and “reply to all”. When the dining room at my office sends out next week’s menu and you are calling in or out for whatever day, the rest of us could care less. Please avoid hitting “reply to all” to tell me you do not want to eat on Tuesday. I have better things to do with my time.
Additionally if I email a group of you a joke or something inspirational, hitting “reply to all” is not necessarily the best route. I have had other friends email me back wondering who the hell you are and why you are emailing them your commentary on whatever it is I sent. I know it’s my fault for not putting the email addresses under “bcc” instead of “to”; but work with me!
I know I am being petty but it is a pet peeve of mine. With that being said I can now go about my day…
Additionally if I email a group of you a joke or something inspirational, hitting “reply to all” is not necessarily the best route. I have had other friends email me back wondering who the hell you are and why you are emailing them your commentary on whatever it is I sent. I know it’s my fault for not putting the email addresses under “bcc” instead of “to”; but work with me!
I know I am being petty but it is a pet peeve of mine. With that being said I can now go about my day…
18 September 2007
Hanging in there.......
I have discussed the following here, here, and here. I am still in the throes of it and still feeling a bit debilitated and overwhelmed by it all. I still have over a week to go before I can begin the Lexapro which I have heard from friends will be a big help. I am looking forward to that although I know it will take a while to get into my system. However, I am hoping the placebo effect of just knowing I am on the meds will kick in and help me out of this pit of despair.
I have been reading a blog that is truly speaking to me. I am sad for CP's personal struggle, yet I find solace knowing it's not "just me". To be quite honest, I truly am not so selfish as to think I am the only person who suffers. I know better than that. And I do not find relief in other people suffering. On the contrary, I feel their pain and regret that they too have to endure the emotional rollercoaster and the hurt that engulfs us.
I am grateful for the online friends who have come forward to tell me their experience with Lexapro and the differences it made for them. I can not thank them enough for sharing so that I can see a brighter side whilst I wade my way through the quagmire I am in.
I think today is just especially rough because 21 years ago today I finally escaped a college “boyfriend” that physically abused me. I still have the physical (and emotional) scars to prove it. This is always a rough time of year for me and it starts on September 13th and runs full throttle until January 2nd. It will take every fiber of my being to survive Christmas. What should be a happy time of year, and is for most, is a horrific time for me. I am completely overwhelmed during that season and look to it in dread.
The thing I am looking forward to most is the day I feel relief.
I have been reading a blog that is truly speaking to me. I am sad for CP's personal struggle, yet I find solace knowing it's not "just me". To be quite honest, I truly am not so selfish as to think I am the only person who suffers. I know better than that. And I do not find relief in other people suffering. On the contrary, I feel their pain and regret that they too have to endure the emotional rollercoaster and the hurt that engulfs us.
I am grateful for the online friends who have come forward to tell me their experience with Lexapro and the differences it made for them. I can not thank them enough for sharing so that I can see a brighter side whilst I wade my way through the quagmire I am in.
I think today is just especially rough because 21 years ago today I finally escaped a college “boyfriend” that physically abused me. I still have the physical (and emotional) scars to prove it. This is always a rough time of year for me and it starts on September 13th and runs full throttle until January 2nd. It will take every fiber of my being to survive Christmas. What should be a happy time of year, and is for most, is a horrific time for me. I am completely overwhelmed during that season and look to it in dread.
The thing I am looking forward to most is the day I feel relief.
12 September 2007
Depression - part drei
Depression has kicked into full gear again. This is always a rough month for me for reasons I will reveal later as well as for reasons unknown. My truly worst time of year begins the Friday after Thanksgiving and runs through the second of January. It takes every fiber of my being to survive that time of year. Everyone else is so joyful and loves the holidays, blah, blah, blah, ad nauseaum. Not me. Hate it. That’s a completely different post.
I have yet to start the Lexapro because the 30 days of antibiotics I am taking affect my stomach and I am a bit scared to introduce another med on top of it. I still have 23 days worth of antibiotic to go so I can start the new drug then. It should start to make a difference within a month. That means I have close to eight weeks to go before I get some relief.
I am supposed to take the Chantix once I go off of the antibiotic because it too can affect my stomach. My belly has been through enough lately on this stupid 30 day course of drugs so I am not looking forward to something that lists “upset stomach” as a side effect. I would like a reprieve, thank you very much.
I really want to start the Chantix so I can begin the process of quitting smoking. I know how detrimental that is to me and how much it has been affecting me in my other health issues. I also know that quitting smoking will save the German and me around $5k a year. That’s a trip to Germany each year simply by quitting smoking! Amazing!
Anyhoo, I just needed to put it out there that the depression is kicking my ass. Completely. Utterly. Thoroughly. This is of the suck.
I have yet to start the Lexapro because the 30 days of antibiotics I am taking affect my stomach and I am a bit scared to introduce another med on top of it. I still have 23 days worth of antibiotic to go so I can start the new drug then. It should start to make a difference within a month. That means I have close to eight weeks to go before I get some relief.
I am supposed to take the Chantix once I go off of the antibiotic because it too can affect my stomach. My belly has been through enough lately on this stupid 30 day course of drugs so I am not looking forward to something that lists “upset stomach” as a side effect. I would like a reprieve, thank you very much.
I really want to start the Chantix so I can begin the process of quitting smoking. I know how detrimental that is to me and how much it has been affecting me in my other health issues. I also know that quitting smoking will save the German and me around $5k a year. That’s a trip to Germany each year simply by quitting smoking! Amazing!
Anyhoo, I just needed to put it out there that the depression is kicking my ass. Completely. Utterly. Thoroughly. This is of the suck.
04 September 2007
Depression - part deux
The beast has reared its ugly head once again… The depression is back and in full bloom. I can not seem to shake it and that makes it even worse.
There was no trigger… The German and I are doing well, Mama is still doing well from her cancer, Daddy is recuperating nicely from his surgery, job is good, no money worries… Grrrr, usually I can pinpoint something that got me going. This time, nada, zip, nothing. Not even a clue as to what the underlying issue may be (if there even is one).
It gets to be overwhelming. The depression can suffocate the good happening around me and snuff out the light. I do okay at work because I do not have time to deal with it while I am there. But once I get in the car to leave – BAM! Now I have time for the pain, damn it. The difficulty lies in that most of my time away from the office is spent in a daze. I have my good moments, moments I relish and am thankful for; however, the bad seems to overshadow the good more and more these past weeks.
Although there is such a pre-conceived notion about depression being a mental illness, I know better. I know what is wrong with me is a chemical imbalance in my brain, a physical ailment instead. So I have made an executive decision regarding this. One that I hope will be for the good. I am going back on my meds. I am doing so out of necessity because I do not like being this way nor is it fair to those that I love to have to deal with me in this condition. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to follow up on my holter monitor and am going to ask for a prescription tomorrow. Hopefully a happier Klinde will come as a result.
I tend to experience side effects on meds. Night sweats (which are particularly joyful now that I am pre-menopausal), lucid dreams (think Salvador Dali paintings) and sleeplessness… I have weighed the options and decided that I will just have to live through that part because what I am currently dealing with is too much for my curly head to wrap around itself.
I will keep you posted.
PS: Auntie D, if you read this, I did not call because it’s been hard on me to admit I need to get back on the meds. Sorry! Love you!
There was no trigger… The German and I are doing well, Mama is still doing well from her cancer, Daddy is recuperating nicely from his surgery, job is good, no money worries… Grrrr, usually I can pinpoint something that got me going. This time, nada, zip, nothing. Not even a clue as to what the underlying issue may be (if there even is one).
It gets to be overwhelming. The depression can suffocate the good happening around me and snuff out the light. I do okay at work because I do not have time to deal with it while I am there. But once I get in the car to leave – BAM! Now I have time for the pain, damn it. The difficulty lies in that most of my time away from the office is spent in a daze. I have my good moments, moments I relish and am thankful for; however, the bad seems to overshadow the good more and more these past weeks.
Although there is such a pre-conceived notion about depression being a mental illness, I know better. I know what is wrong with me is a chemical imbalance in my brain, a physical ailment instead. So I have made an executive decision regarding this. One that I hope will be for the good. I am going back on my meds. I am doing so out of necessity because I do not like being this way nor is it fair to those that I love to have to deal with me in this condition. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to follow up on my holter monitor and am going to ask for a prescription tomorrow. Hopefully a happier Klinde will come as a result.
I tend to experience side effects on meds. Night sweats (which are particularly joyful now that I am pre-menopausal), lucid dreams (think Salvador Dali paintings) and sleeplessness… I have weighed the options and decided that I will just have to live through that part because what I am currently dealing with is too much for my curly head to wrap around itself.
I will keep you posted.
PS: Auntie D, if you read this, I did not call because it’s been hard on me to admit I need to get back on the meds. Sorry! Love you!
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