Tonight

The German and I are going out tonight... A mutual friend of ours recently experienced tragedy when her fiance' died suddenly of a heart attack last week. Tonight we are rallying around her and giving support and money because she is not currently working. A large group of us hope to help lift her weary spirits a bit as well as giving her some much needed financial support. I pray that she feels the love.

That man of mine...

No, he is not serious about this pose. There was beer involved… There was the surging of testosterone as he was the grillmeister this past Saturday evening at a friend’s home. It is just a great example of mein Deutscher and his sense of humor… There are lots more that show all the men involved in various (ridiculous) poses. As well as photos of grilled pork in various forms...

Of course all the women were dignified, poised and kept our estrogen in check…

Can you hear me now?

I have no landline in my home. Instead the German and I opt to each have a cell phone. Our long distance to Germany is far less expensive and our calls to one another do not affect our minutes. We have included my parents in the plan as well and we are just a bundle of mobile-to-mobile joy. Sometimes….

For the life of me I can not figure out signal strength on our cells. Of course we are all under the same carrier; however, there are times the German’s phone has all the bars showing while my phone has no signal available. Oh, did I mention we are sitting right next to each other when this little annoyance occurs? Or my favorite phenomenon… Whilst I sit in my chair in the evening watching the tube, reading or blogging, whatever, if I happen to try to dial out and am leaning on the right arm of the chair I have no signal whatsoever… If I lean a little to the left side of the same chair, merely a shift in position, full signals. Drives me up a tree…

The same happens for the German. There is a one block section of his drive home from work that is completely dead. I know to expect less signal strength on occasion, but for one measly block or just by leaning in your chair? Can someone explain this to my confused mind? I swear some days I just know if I stood on one foot and held a wire coat hanger wrapped in foil I would have better reception.

I just love technology.

Don't rain on my parade....

As much as I know we need the rain, that my yard craves it and you can nearly hear it drink it up in grateful gulps, I am upset that it is raining. You see, we suffered a bit of storm damage last week and the mighty wind that came through in gusts took off some of our siding leaving only exposed wood. I was hoping it would remain dry until repairs are completed.

I have already received one estimate. Thankfully it was for considerably less than the German and I thought it may be. We were guessing more along the lines of $400 - $500. Either way it is a steep chuck of change coming out of our perpetually empty pockets. But it is our home and it has to be repaired. Otherwise we are just begging for trouble. We are getting a second estimate tomorrow.

No pun intended, but when it rains, it pours. The depression starts to subside and the eye is beginning to heal and a new challenge awaits us wanting to drain the meager money I have put aside for Christmas. We live leanly. Well for the most part anyway. We try to more so than actually accomplishing said feat as we both suck when it comes to money. On that level we are not exactly a match made in heaven… More like one made at the Bank of Woes… Looks like it is a week of PB&J for lunch for me this week to keep a little extra $$$ in the account to cover for any incidentals and to put that stuff called gas in our cars that both vehicles seemingly need to get us from point A to point B (otherwise known as work).

I am not complaining as I know it could be considerably worse. I could not have a home to begin with, or a car to get me around, or a job, or food. I am not that selfish as to know there are many blessings and that I count those as well. There are people far less fortunate that we are and I am grateful and pleased for the things that I do have. Especially the ones that money can not buy like my wonderful husband, family, friends, and the ability to see beyond the bad and recognize all that is good, fair, beautiful and just in my life.

Let there be light

I am about to complete my third week on Lexapro and I am beginning to be able to tell the difference. I have documented my depression on more than one occasion.

I am glad I finally reached out for help through my physician. It was difficult to once again admit that I can not do this alone and ask for assistance. I was keeping my fingers crossed that it would not come to that again. That this time I could finally be in control without meds but I was wrong. So very, very wrong. I know that this is an illness, it is not something that I have done to myself or on purpose… It simply is a fact of my life and I need to recognize that and ask for help when appropriate.

The fact of the matter is that I was tottering on the edge. Anything that would go wrong in my life I would blame on the depression. Any. Little. Thing. With the notable exception of this. Bad day at work? Well of course that is because I am depressed! Need to sleep 20 hours? Depression, you betcha! Lack of energy? I am too depressed to do anything… House a mess? How am I suppose to clean in this frame of mind? The list goes on and on… It is kinda like the kid who always said the dog ate his homework….

Now that I am beginning to feel “normal” again, I can see all that I blamed on depression. I could not even begin to see it when I was held fast in the throes of it all. I guess you could say I am in the tunnel and yes, I do see the light…

Meow

I know I mentioned before that my my cat has a blog.

It started out innocently enough as an outlet to be a crazy cat lady and post photos of her misspell words intentionally (which is much harder to do than it sounds).

Apparently it is a very popular thing to do. There are cat blogs out there that get 40 and 50 comments per post. Daily these feline post photos and commentary and other cat lovers flock to it like women to a shoe sale.

To be quite honest I struggle enough with what to say at my own spot, much less think of things the evil Siamese must be doing whilst I work to keep her in Science Diet and litter.

Perhaps I need a hobby….

I am okay with this....

Back in August I made a move to reach out to an old friend. After a phone call there was a reunion of sorts. We were chatting away on the phone as though years had not gone by when we decided I should stop over for a face-to-face meeting so we could truly catch up, share photographs, etc.

Whatever the reason, I decided I did not want her to know where I lived just yet… Frankly I do know the reason but have chosen not to share it here but that is a different story for another time. So I went to her place. I was that jittery, nervous, anxious, almost nauseated sort of scared. Nevertheless, I knocked on her door.

There were hugs, a few tears and a few beers. There was an opportunity to see how much her children have grown and how beautiful they are. There were photos of my family and the German whom she has never met. There was the sad tale of how she lost both her grandmother and mother way too soon and less than six months apart. There was the discussion of what I go through with my own mother and her battle with cancer.

All in all I thought everything was going swimmingly. I was still a bit hesitant to reveal too much to let go after such a long time. However, it was amazing how very easily we slipped back into the old routine and it was like a comfortable shoe. This happened last month.

In the time since then I have seen a couple more mutual friends. Funny how that works in that I have not seen these folks in ages and now here they all are... When I told them (on separate occasions and they do not keep in touch with one another) we had reconnected I was sternly warned to stay away. One even said "she's poison". I listened to their tales, not dissimilar from my own of the way the friendship ended with them. I was amazed that the woman I knew for all these years had come to this.

I am heeding their advice and not reaching out again. I will return calls if they are made but some things are better left alone. I have no regrets for making a call and having the brief reunion. Maybe that is what I needed to find closure. It is all good….

I have heard of potty mouth, but potty eye??!!?

Here is a view of woman versus toilet. It's the first view the German had of my eye as he has been in Nova Scotia since the beginning of the month and just got home last night. He shook his head and shrugged then broke out his camera.



No, it looks a lot worse than it is... My eye really does not hurt unless I poke it or accidentally rub it.



My new story is I am trying out my Halloween costume early... Think I will be Fergie of the Black-Eyed Peas... What do you think?

Shiny, not so happy Klinde

Whoa is me as yet another tragedy befalls me... I have a black eye... My story is not nearly as funny as the recovering Baptist's or was it done in public like Ginger's run in with the tree. Instead I got up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night, bumped my left arm into the door jam (nice bruise on my flabby bicep), slipped on the damned bathrug with very little rubber left on the bottom and took a nose dive onto the toilet... Scraped my forehead before hitting my eye and scraped my right ear on the cabinet for good measure to boot. My camera is not working or I would post a photo... Sorry, you are out of luck on that one.

Yes, my toilet beat the shit out of me.... Pun most definitely intended...

Oh, and feel free to laugh....

Sick again... Yay me, NOT!

After 42 days straight on antibiotics for 4 UTIs since mid May, I have come down with strep. Yay me... You would think that I would practically be immune to anything with this much medicine in me. Sadly, no.

The good news is that I started the Lexapro. I am experiencing the oh, so fun, side effect of night sweats. That coupled with being pre-menopausal makes for a sleeping challenge. Good-bye REM sleep, hello restless nights... However, I need some well deserved relief from the depression.

Just felt like sharing. That is all, carry on.

Touching base

Hello, long time, no see.... It's been a while... Please excuse any spelling errors as I have an evil Siamese beached on my lap along with the lap top. Not that I am complaining, she has been a great source of therapy as I wallow through this latest bout of depression. She is, after all, dependent upon me for food, water, and the not so fun, "cleaning of the box". Here is a little photo of my pouty Scouty (also known as "sweet kiki lou", "love muffin", "love bug", "the speed bump" or "the nuisance" when she is being particularly needy...)



I can not believe the comfort that a pet can bring. I can not believe how much she senses when I am suffering and must be at my side at all times. Her therapeutic touch has a healing that I can not explain... She is just a little bundle of love; albeit one with some kooky and annoying habits. But she is sincere. I am grateful for my kitty counselor... And I do not even have to fork out a co-pay!