Is it possible to have your sense of humor surgically removed?

I posted this photo of my (then) 86 year Nana on FB (via Easter 2008). I tagged family. I am new to FB but I knew the photo would hit their walls due to the tag. I did not know my commentary would go along for the ride. That is not an excuse, simply the truth.

I can not remember exactly what I wrote but it verged on my writing that she thought the L was for her first name and that I am mean to little old ladies that way. I did this knowing my family would get the inside joke.

I was wrong.

I had a first cousin and her husband insinuate that I was deliberately cruel. That it was wrong. That if I did not remove said photo, they would delete me from FB. Etc, etc, etc.

If you have met me, deliberate cruelty is not my forte. Yes, I can be sharp tongued, but I would not harm a fly. I was mortified and deeply hurt.

I did not mention this to said cousin for almost a day so I could get my bearings and not write to her with raw emotions. I needed to calm down,

I had anothter first cousin write that it was funny "and besides she is such a good sport".

I had an aunt write that the Easter Bunny should "leave Ex-Lax eggs in your Easter Basket, lol".

No go.... Kill joy still thought I was intentionally cruel. Ironically, the last note my cousin wrote was entitled "This note may contain sarcasm". I wanted to scream the note may contain it; however, do you UNDERSTAND it?????

I mentioned this to my grandmother today. Not my cousin's comments, nor those of her husband. Not the debacle with my cousin as I would not put my Nana in a frame of mind to know I was upset at another of her grandchildren. I wanted her to know. She is not a computer person and would have never seen this herself. I tell her when I post about her and print it for her to read. Unless it is about my mom's cancer, but that is a different story and not relevant now.

YES, I DID tell the woman the L stood for looser *after* snapping said photo. Alas, she had just lost a game. Her response that day was to snap me with a dish towel and giggle. Her response today was "have they lost their sense of humor?"

I told her this while she made her coffee whilst wearing pajamas adorned with sock monkeys. I asked if I could post that photo. She said no. Only because her hair was a mess and that she was not wearing lipstick. She is cool that way and I know that my sense of humor was handed to me from Mama via her.

I hope I am that cool if I make it to my 80s.

And as a side note, they did delete me, but not my German. I remedied that and deleted them from his account.

My day in a nutshell....

I am out running errands, you know the score. I am wearing the hoodie in the photo.

I dash into Exxon and stand in line to pay for my purchase. The nice man behind the counter says to me "Your sweatshirt says Hamburg". "That is in Germany you know". Wow! A twofer, gum AND a geography lesson. Sweet!

In the car I have an epiphany... Omigosh! I no longer have to worry about being unemployed because I have a talking hoodie! I will make millions, baby!

Life as I know it...

I have written abundantly about my depression and my mother's cancer. I have shared with you all many things. Some know and some do not, that I was laid off over 28 weeks ago. The German and I are struggling. I know many are too in this economy. I know we are fortunate that we are current on our bills except for one (sorry Sprint) because the mortgage comes first as it is where we live.

To say my depression is under control is a complete and utter lie. The truth be told, we can not afford the $90/month script so I have to deal to pay other things. The depression runs rampants and messes with my head. There are times I can not control it and it leads me to be more negative than the situation is. It is of the suck... Only quoting my German on that one.

Speaking of my German, he does not completely grasp our situation. He thinks money in the bank is salvation. He quite possibly thinks it grows on trees or that my parents are millionaires. He does not know or understand where the cashflow comes from... Nor whom I have had to ask for it or the two 401k's I have cashed out to keep us afloat.... He merely sees $$$ and not the bills that will follow. I love him but want to hit him along side the head with something heavy and yell "wake up"!!! "We have no f'ing money"! We are lucky not to foreclose. I hide whatever money I can from him. He found a small stash and I ate spaghettios as a result.


He travels for a living most of the time. So his is a life of wine and roses. He eats well and I think the dollar menu at a fast food restaurant (if you can even call that a restaurant) is a treat. I have a loaf of bread and peanut butter (not of the recalled kind) to suppliment me. I am treated out for dinner with my parents on occasion but always order the cheapest thing since they are retired. I know they mean well, but they should not be spending extra on me.

But, gentle reader, I want you to know something..... Something of importance.... I am blessed. My unemployment has been a blessing because it brought me back to the Church. And the blessings from returning have been 1000 fold.

Yes, I am struggling. No, it won't be forever. I refuse to be a statistic in the foreclosure department. I am better than than and will do what it takes. But I have learned a lesson. And I have become closer to God. For that I am not sorry at all.

My thoughts on the past six months

My last hiatus is my previous post. To say that my life has been tumultuous is a vast understatement. As previously posted, I was laid off on 8/25. Am I gainfully employed yet? Uh, no.... There have been offers that I declined for various reasons, not a good fit, the salary was completely unacceptable, etc, etc.... Hindsight can be a bitch and I wonder if I was mistaken in not taking something but I go forward. I have a second and third interview next week that completely excite me. In all honesty it is the first opportunity that excites me and that I actually want! I won't go into detail; however, if you are the praying type, I would appreciate it; otherwise, positive vibes are also accepted.

My depression has run rampant. Unfortunately my lack of a decent paycheck has caused a budget short fall on the homefront. Cuts were made and my script for anti-depressants was a victim. Somehow electricity and food won. Crazy, huh? Pun DEFINITELY intended....

To say we are struggling financially is an understatement. I have barrelled through two 401k accounts to avoid foreclosure. That is not an option. But I am scraping the bottom. March's mortgage is in the bag, it is April that I dread. Plus I learned from taking out the 401k accounts we actually OWE the government close to $1k. It will work itself out somehow. I have faith in the Lord above. Even if I have to wait tables at the local IHOP to make it, I will do what I have to do. I am not too proud to keep us afloat. I will be 43 on 4/3 and the last thing I want to do is move back in with my parents. Not that they have the room for us anyway, Daddy would have to give up his computer room... And I am certain they do not want three more tenants because the kitty is a non-negotiable roomie as well.

As if there is not enough rain on my parade Mama has had a recurrence. She has a new spot on what is left of her left lung. It is resting on her pulmonary artery. She had a biopsy in January. There were complications a few days later which resulted in a four day stint at Vandy. They only told me about it because a friend of theirs convinced them to. They did not want to worry me. Like I don't worry about the beast each and every day coming back and claiming my mother. WTF? To top it off, there is a pinpoint spot on her right lung as well. She outlived her original diagnosis by almost a year now. The spot on the left is inoperable and she is not a candidate for radiation. Both are due to the scarring from the previous surgery and radiation. Three passes were attempted to accurately biopsy the spot to no avail. Since it is wrapped around the pulmonary artery it was far too risky to try further. She developed a pulmonary pneumothorax. She looked like Quasimodo. Medical students and interns alike all looked at the wonder of her fist sized hump. Sheesh. My mother lived a "Grey's Anatomy" moment without a single visit from McDreamy. The course of treatment is "wait and see". Did I ever mention that I am completely inpatient? My attention span can last anywhere from one to sixty seconds barring anything shiny being dangled in front of me.

Gentle reader, there is a positive in all of this.... on 9/7/08, Ambie and the chef welcomed their first child, my niece, Ela. She is beautiful, healthy, and completely adorable. The German is visiting them as I type this as he is traveling on business and made a short detour to meet the newest addition to the family. He has smothered her in kisses and refuses to give her to either parent. As gruff as my German can be, he is a total sucker for babies and children adore him. I would have loved to have made the trip with him but the seeking of employment is an impediment. I know the chef and Ambie understand and Ela is too young to know the difference. But I want to be part of her life and will!

So, that is all the news fit to print. I have missed you Bloggyland. I have renewed my Visa and plan to visit more often.

Whining...

The building I work in has ten floors. It just happens I work on the 6th floor. My company is spread out amongst four of them. Therefore, I spend a lot of time riding an elevator. There are large windows in the elevators where you can look out and watch traffic or pedestrians go by. I call it “elevator TV” but that is not what this is about. This is about a pet peeve of mine….

Just because we are in the same elevator does not mean we have to talk!

I am so happy to get that off of my chest. Now I can go about my day.

Things that make you go "hmmm".....

There are things that you read that make emotions well up inside you and make you pause and think. I am a step-mom. I am physically unable to have children. I always wanted to be a mother but God had a different plan for me and while I do not understand it I do accept the path He laid before me.

Right now I have quite a few friends that are pregnant as well as my sister-in-law. Seems these things always happen in groups just like all the weddings I will be attending this summer.

With that being said, I read this I wondered what I would do in a similar situation? How do you live knowing that the newly created life you carry will end almost as soon as it begins? Being Catholic I was raised to believe abortion is murder; however, there are some parts of Catholic doctrine that I do not fully agree with (but that is a post for a different day). This just made me sad and made me hurt for the poor families; however, I respect the hell out of their decision if that is what was best for them. Who am I to judge what is the most healing for them?

It was just something that made me think....

Same time last year....

At this time last year I had the good fortune to go to Hamburg, Germany to finally meet my husband’s parents. It is still hard for me to believe it has been a year since our adventure. I was waxing nostalgic and decided to give you a little tour of what we did while we were there. Enjoy…


This is my in-law's home. It is quaint and cozy. It is not the home my German grew up in; however, it is on the same road.



Prosit! This is my German and me toasting. We are at a nice restaurant we found on a side trip to Berlin. Excellent food, excellent bier and excellent company as Ambie and the Chef joined us on this excursion.



While in Berlin we did A LOT of walking and "touristy" things... Here I am touching part of what is left of the wall. It was electric to me to touch such a thing...



This is my favorite photo of the entire trip. It is of Brandenburger Tor otherwise known as the Brandenburg Gate.



This is my German and me. This is from St. Patty's day. We are enjoying Celtic music, wonderful food and incredible bier.



This is just a lovely building in Bergedorf. Bergedorf is a suburb of Hamburg and is the largest area near the village my German was raised in.



Here I am catching a little lip action with my German. We are about to enter a courtyard of a castle in Bergedorf. If you click here you will see a bit more about Bergedorf and the Schloss Bergedorf where the photo was taken.



This is my German and I on our last full day in Germany. Unbeknownst to us, my mother-in-law arranged for us as well as Ambie and the Chef to have our wedding vows renewed. She did this in part because she was unable to attend either of our weddings.



Two or three times a year, there is a huge carnival in Hamburg. There are rides, souvenier stands and scrumptious goodies (not to mention bier, gluhwein and many other tasty libations). The food at this is nothing like carnival food here.... No corn dogs and funnel cakes... Instead there are brats, potatoes, yummy pork, crepes, and too many other things to mention for fear of my waistline expanding.



This is a Hummel, the water carrier. These guys are all over the place and we photographed ourselves with as many as we saw. When you see him, you are supposed to say "Hummel, Hummel" and he would reply "Mors, Mors".



Here we are kicking back in an eis cafe (ice cream parlor). We are sitting in a spot where a photo was taken of the arcade style of this shopping center. The photo I am speaking of is in a book about Hamburg that my German brought with him when he moved to the U.S. eleven years ago. I would look at the photo and say "I want to go there". So he brought me



This is the inside of a beautiful church in Bergedorf. Schwester, my German's baby sister, actually got married in this place!! It was built in the 1400's... Awesome!



There was a rule about food whilst in Germany. Thank goodness I am an adventurous eater or I would have been shit outta luck.... This is me kissing the head of a smoked eel. That was the tastiest thing I had while I was there (except for bier, duh!). I am kissing it to thank it for giving the ultimate sacrifice for my dining pleasure. I won't go into detail about the couple of things I would never eat again because it will just make me gag. Suffice it to say, they were quite nasty and I would be fine to never have them again.



My trip down memory lane is complete. Thanks for tagging along!

I wish I could have....

In no particular order, here are some things I wish I could have done while being out of work with mono...

1. Pedicure
2. Hair cut & color
3. Cleaned the bathroom
4. Give Scout a bath
5. Organize the desk
6. Study my German lessons
7. Organized my DVD collection

But alas, I was too damned tired to do any of it!

Klutzy Klinde

As you may recall my adventures of woman vs. toilet I am a klutz. Total klutz! I once tripped over a painted line, seriously!

I have had another run in, this time it was not with my head against the toilet, thankfully. This time I got my ass kicked by a cardboard box! No, I am not kidding. I was getting ready for bed and reached to turn off the lamp by the desk. I lost my footing and came down hard while creating a 4.5 inch gash directly above my left hip bone. You know how much a papercut can hurt? Well try to imagine what the corner of a damned box is like! It is at such an angle that I can not photograph it myself. It is so bad that I am bruised to boot.

I am pitiful.

Tonight

The German and I are going out tonight... A mutual friend of ours recently experienced tragedy when her fiance' died suddenly of a heart attack last week. Tonight we are rallying around her and giving support and money because she is not currently working. A large group of us hope to help lift her weary spirits a bit as well as giving her some much needed financial support. I pray that she feels the love.

Can you hear me now?

I have no landline in my home. Instead the German and I opt to each have a cell phone. Our long distance to Germany is far less expensive and our calls to one another do not affect our minutes. We have included my parents in the plan as well and we are just a bundle of mobile-to-mobile joy. Sometimes….

For the life of me I can not figure out signal strength on our cells. Of course we are all under the same carrier; however, there are times the German’s phone has all the bars showing while my phone has no signal available. Oh, did I mention we are sitting right next to each other when this little annoyance occurs? Or my favorite phenomenon… Whilst I sit in my chair in the evening watching the tube, reading or blogging, whatever, if I happen to try to dial out and am leaning on the right arm of the chair I have no signal whatsoever… If I lean a little to the left side of the same chair, merely a shift in position, full signals. Drives me up a tree…

The same happens for the German. There is a one block section of his drive home from work that is completely dead. I know to expect less signal strength on occasion, but for one measly block or just by leaning in your chair? Can someone explain this to my confused mind? I swear some days I just know if I stood on one foot and held a wire coat hanger wrapped in foil I would have better reception.

I just love technology.

Don't rain on my parade....

As much as I know we need the rain, that my yard craves it and you can nearly hear it drink it up in grateful gulps, I am upset that it is raining. You see, we suffered a bit of storm damage last week and the mighty wind that came through in gusts took off some of our siding leaving only exposed wood. I was hoping it would remain dry until repairs are completed.

I have already received one estimate. Thankfully it was for considerably less than the German and I thought it may be. We were guessing more along the lines of $400 - $500. Either way it is a steep chuck of change coming out of our perpetually empty pockets. But it is our home and it has to be repaired. Otherwise we are just begging for trouble. We are getting a second estimate tomorrow.

No pun intended, but when it rains, it pours. The depression starts to subside and the eye is beginning to heal and a new challenge awaits us wanting to drain the meager money I have put aside for Christmas. We live leanly. Well for the most part anyway. We try to more so than actually accomplishing said feat as we both suck when it comes to money. On that level we are not exactly a match made in heaven… More like one made at the Bank of Woes… Looks like it is a week of PB&J for lunch for me this week to keep a little extra $$$ in the account to cover for any incidentals and to put that stuff called gas in our cars that both vehicles seemingly need to get us from point A to point B (otherwise known as work).

I am not complaining as I know it could be considerably worse. I could not have a home to begin with, or a car to get me around, or a job, or food. I am not that selfish as to know there are many blessings and that I count those as well. There are people far less fortunate that we are and I am grateful and pleased for the things that I do have. Especially the ones that money can not buy like my wonderful husband, family, friends, and the ability to see beyond the bad and recognize all that is good, fair, beautiful and just in my life.

Shiny, not so happy Klinde

Whoa is me as yet another tragedy befalls me... I have a black eye... My story is not nearly as funny as the recovering Baptist's or was it done in public like Ginger's run in with the tree. Instead I got up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night, bumped my left arm into the door jam (nice bruise on my flabby bicep), slipped on the damned bathrug with very little rubber left on the bottom and took a nose dive onto the toilet... Scraped my forehead before hitting my eye and scraped my right ear on the cabinet for good measure to boot. My camera is not working or I would post a photo... Sorry, you are out of luck on that one.

Yes, my toilet beat the shit out of me.... Pun most definitely intended...

Oh, and feel free to laugh....

Book 'em, Dano

The weather today has reminded me of how much I enjoy rainy days. Particularly those spent curled up with a good book. I have not picked my next reading selection since finishing “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” on its release date of July 21st. It’s not as though there is nothing to read at home; on the contrary, I have shelf after shelf filled with books of all sorts that I have yet to break open. Today just reminded me that it is time to select my latest tome and climb into my chair with a beverage and enjoy.

Hmmm, what to choose…. Fiction, non-fiction, oh there is that wonderful collection of short stories just begging to be selected… With the way the depression has been lately there is some poetry that is a bit dark and I probably should stay away from it until I begin the new meds and am feeling a bit less “blue”.

At times I go to my old stand by’s and re-read a personal favorite like “Rebecca”, “The Poisonwood Bible” or “To Kill a Mockingbird”. However, I think it is time to break out a never-before-seen tome and read something new, something light, something fun… I can hardly wait to peruse the shelves and announce a winner.

Sun Bunny, not…..

For the third time in a week people have commented on how pale my legs are. There have been some comments made about the glare they give off, etc. There are so many sun worshippers that tan themselves to deep iodine hues. Many of these people tell me that they “feel better” when they are tan or that it makes them “look healthier”. More power to them.

This usually does not bother me nor hurt my feelings; however, it has given my food for thought. There was a time that fair skin was protected and prized it meant that you were genteel and did not have to work out of doors (think Scarlett O’Hara). Even with all the pre-cancerous and cancerous forms of melanoma, you would think that people would not be so hell-bent to sunbathe. And do not even get me started on people who go to tanning beds. I have no desire to literally bake myself, thank you very much.

My rational is that I am going to be old a lot longer than I am going to be young and I want to be comfortable in my own skin without it appearing to be an old, worn shoe. I wear sunscreen daily on my face. I slather on 30 or 45 SPF liberally when I am going to be outdoors for any period of time. I haven’t had a tan since the early 90’s or was it the late 80’s? I can not remember because it’s been ages.

Random musings

I sent out a tweet out about this yesterday; however, I find it amusing that my cat, Scout has a blog and gets more traffic than I do. Apparently I am a crazy cat lady and there bunches of them out there. I mean I have seen some of the cat posts get more hits than Aunt B on a controversial subject.

Germany is in the UK, right?

Here is a lesson in geography for you all...

Server: "I love your accent."

The German: "Thank you."

Server: "Is there something going on here? I've seen so many of your people lately."

To borrow a phrase from my pal 'coma ** crickets **

Server: "What brought you here?"

Me: "To Waffle House?"

Server: "No, him... To America..."

Me: "Um, well he lives here and he is married to me, an American..."

Server: "Oh, well there has just been so many of them lately..."

Server: "How did you two meet?"

The German: "My brother introduced us."

At this point I make a mental note that I going to tell people we met at a bar last week and ran off to Vegas to elope or that I put an extra dollar in his G-string when he was performing with the Chippendale's and he was smitten. But alas, I had not had coffee yet so not all the synapses were firing and I could not verbalize this random thought...

Ten minutes pass...

Server: "I love English accents..."

Sigh....

Home again, home again, jiggety jig....

Whew!!

Home from Nashville's first annual Dragon Boat races. We are freakin exhausted to say the least! Thank goodness for tents, bottled water and a breeze.

I will send out more love regarding this later as I am too tired to download photos. Our day started at 7:20a at Riverfront and we got home around 6:00p.

All good. More later.

Baby steps

I made a move today. Something that took some courage on my behalf. I called my best friend from high school, the matron of honor at my first wedding, someone I have not spoken to since November 1999 for reasons I will not disclose.

There was a disagreement (to say the very least). There were hurt feelings on both sides. There was yelling. A lot of yelling. There was death (her mom) and disease (my mom). I thought of her at times and wondered "what if".

Sometimes friendships made at the tender age of 13 carry on through out a life time. Other times they fizzle out. In my case, there was a flame... Bigger then than the fire that burned out from my divorce.

There was pain. There was tears. A hell of a lot of tears.

I saw a mutual friend Saturday. I proffered my number with a request for a call. I got the call today. I was not available. I texted. I got an answer. I have a knot in my stomach. Probably not a good thing for the raging blood pressure of late (although today was significantly lower than yesterday but still outrageous).

Am I being nostalgic? Or am I genuinely reaching out to make amends?

I do not expect the friendship of the past. Sometimes even true friendships fizzle. You outgrow one another or move on or are on different levels. However, you sometimes hold on to things just simply because of longevity and history. I do not consider that a friendship any longer. Just a weak attempt to either hold on to the past or out of a sense of obligation.

But I reached out nonetheless. She does not even know my last name now. That seems odd to me.

We have lived within 3 miles of one another since the day the music died. I have only seen her twice. Once while walking and the other time at a local store. Neither of us acknowledged the other.

I do not know what this means. I do not know why I felt this overwhelming feeling to reach out. I just know I did.

I am going to suggest a cocktail to "catch up". No idea what will happen. I'll keep you posted.